Saturday, December 5, 2009

Ghosts and Cat Tribes

"Hunter, why haven't you blogged in 6 months?!"

I hear questions like this all the time. People are curious, and I can't blame them for that. The truth is, I've been very busy doing this AFI thing, working on new Hunter Revenge material, but most importantly—writing a book. All of my "writing energy", as I like to call it, has been spent on this book. As of now, there is no release date for my book because I don't have a publisher. If you would like to help speed along this process by emailing your favorite publisher and demanding they publish my book, I cannot stop you. In the mean time, let's discuss the other reason why I haven't blogged in so long: ghosts.

Back in June I hired some ghosts to ghostwrite my blog (ghostblog?) on my behalf. This made perfect sense, since I was getting busier and busier by the day and little time or "writing energy" for trivial important things like my blog. However, I failed to realize that ghosts use invisible fonts as a default setting. So to the untrained eye, it looks as if no blogs have been posted since June. Oops. I tinkered around with some of the ghosts' laptops and fixed this font problem. It won't happen again. In fact, here is one of the previously invisible blogs I "found" while I was tinkering. It's called,

Cat Tribes

When it comes to irrational fears I am sure snakes, spiders, and ghosts* are on most of our lists. However the one absolutely terrifying thing I am sure we can all agree on is the fear that we will one day be overthrown by a tribe of Native American Cats.

The evidence of this potential threat is there we just don't want to accept it. The possibility alone is enough for us to place bells on the necks of cats so they are unable to sneak up on us, or more importantly, perform any type of ancient tribal ritual without being heard. Catch your own dreams, cats. Leave me out of this!

I personally recall one of the more notorious tales of forewarned cat doom that dates back to the colonial era when the leader of the ancient Catnipashaw tribe declared a curse on the lives of all that "walked on two legs and dangled yarn, like empty promises, in front of the faces of his brethren. "

This leader, a calico named Chases Own Tail, made it clear that neither he nor anyone from his tribe would ever allow the land that was rightfully theirs to be stolen, food sources depleted by the white man, or laser pens to lead them in confusing circles and away from the sacred lands of their ancestors. He warned, "If you take what is rightfully ours, what we have owned for years before your arrival, your future will be paved in bite marks and scratches."

You won't find much in today's history books about the sordid past of Native American Cat tribes. However, a lot of the way we share our space with the indentured servants of their tribe today is indicative of a past almost too dark to recall.

After the famous defeat at Fort Scratching Post, the captured cat tribesmen were taken to a makeshift prison, similar to that of an upside down laundry basket, where each was forced to sleep on piles of clothes and were given only a bowl of stale dried food that had been shaped to mimic meat but was mostly made of roots and vegetables. It was said some were even forced to accept the new religion brought by the settlers and to adorn their clothing.

"We want them to understand their place," General Crazy Cat Lady later wrote in her memoir The Fur On the Couch of Freedom. "If they think they can just walk around this land, batting at the ankles of every man that passes by, they're wrong. Our freedom is what we came here for and I'll be damned if they think they can take a nap on the pile of papers we call our Constitution."

Research tells us these same captured tribesmen were also forced into small boxes with ground ceramic pieces lining the floor that they were forced to use to defecate and urinate in. It was said many of these prisoners suffered the agony of the ceramic pieces being stuck in their fur and toes and at times they were unable to walk.

Tribal leader Sleeps In Sunspots wrote about these crimes against his people after he was captured in battle and forced into slavery. "My brothers and sisters may have lost this battle but the war is far from over. Rest assured, we may come into your homes as slaves but we will leave as victorious enemies. The spirit of the tiger lies within our hearts. Never shall you rest easy as we occupy the spaces in your sink or threaten to steal the breath of every new born baby. We will raise our paws in unity against the common forces against us. We will chase the tail of freedom. No man, woman, or ball of paper will keep us from our destiny. Like the sun shall always defeat the moon, so shall we regain our rightful place. Mark my words. Meow."

It is uncertain if the threats made against us so many years ago will come to fruition. The docile ancestors we see today seem to have accepted their fate as our pets, at least for now.

My suggestion? Sleep with one eye open (but definitely not two.) If your cat starts to bat at door knobs or seems to understand the working mechanics of the water faucet, take note. They're adapting. It won't be long before we see them hiding in cardboard boxes or preparing for attack inside a grocery bag. In preparation for capture, they'll try to block our access to technology by sleeping on our laptops or walking on the keyboard as we try to send a distress signal. They may try to physically cripple us by attacking our feet when under a blanket.

Like General Crazy Cat Lady warned in her memoir, "They will throw us off the path of war by disarming us with their charm. Never trust they stop plotting, regardless of the amount of time they seem to be sleeping. They're clever. And as they knead the blanket to ready for sleep, they too shall knead into the very jugular of our American freedom."

*inside joke for ghosts

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Toronto Nights: A Casual Ramble Blog

Some bloggers blog every single day. I am not one of those bloggers. Would you believe I don't even know how to type? What do other bloggers blog about? Real things? They just ramble on in a casual tone about their day? That's so boring...but I'm willing to try anything for a quick buck! Here's a "casual ramble blog" for you:

It's raining outside right now. It was nice all day, but now I can hear the rain hitting the window of the hotel. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I think this trip to Toronto has totally thrown my schedule off. Before I left LA, I was going to bed at a reasonable hour and waking up before 8am. Last night I slept from midnight to 3am and then from 6am until noon?! What a weird schedule! The only coffee I was able to find in a short period of time was Starbucks. It's odd—I never go to Starbucks when I'm at home or have a choice, but I flock to it when I'm out of the country. They must have a deep psychological hold on me. The coffee's never that great, and the baristas never know what they're doing, but it's consistently disappointing and that's what I count on. AFI had a four hour rehearsal today in some warehouse on a soundstage. We haven't really played a show in a while and our crew needed to run through everything, plus it was good for us to run over the songs again. I sang all my usual backgrounds and harmonies, and by the second time through the set, my throat was raw. I guess I'm out of practice. For the record, I'm over shouting. It really just hurts, and never sounds that great. My favorite vocals are the harmonies on Summer Shudder and the ooohs during the intro and re-intro on Missing Frame. Two of my favorite basses from the last tour cycle need neck/fret work and I am playing my old back up bass for the show tomorrow. I don't like it as much because it's a bit on the heavy side, but it still sounds great. Fender makes some great basses. I'm designing some new ones for after we start touring for real and I'm really excited about those. Nothing crazy...just cool colors. Tomorrow should be fun. It's been so long since we've played a show (KROQ's xmas show doesn't count because our set was so short) that even if it totally sucks, it will still be fun. I'm kinda hungry. I should have bought some chips or a clif bar when I had the chance. I think the rain stopped. I forgot to see if the show is indoors or outdoors. I suppose it doesn't matter. The stage is always covered. It's weird, I can't really remember that last time I was nervous before a show. I know I was nervous when we played Just Like Heaven during the soundcheck for the MTV Icon: The Cure show, but that's because we were playing TO The Cure. I was probably nervous in my earlier AFI days when I was the new guy. I had to learn 15 songs in a month and then play in front of thousands of people with one of my favorite bands. The catch was—these were thousands of Offspring fans, not AFI fans, so I was too busy trying to win them over to be nervous. Did we win over any of their fans? I'd like to think so. I still run into people all the time that tell me that their first AFI show was on that tour. This was back in May, 1997. I turned 21 in the middle of the tour. L7 was on that tour too. They called themselves our moms on stage. It was really an amazing experience to play such huge shows at that point in my life. There were many years of crappy shows and long van tours after that, so it was an unusual way to start a career with AFI...but I like to think that it has come full circle. In more recent years, we've headlined some of the venues from my first tour. Time is a funny thing.

I feel like this isn't boring enough, and I apologize. The casual tone is working for me, but my thoughtless rambling seems to drift toward interesting things from the past. Let me try to focus on more mundane things from the present.
My phone is always set to vibrate. It's been like that for years. It always surprises me when it gets turned off of vibrate by mistake and I actually hear it ring. About a year ago, I set the ringtone to "motorcycle" which sounds like vibrating. Problem solved. Tonight I watched the Wolverine movie. I didn't see it when it came out because everyone said it was so bad. gave it an 8 or something horrible like that. I think everyone, including myself, was expecting something truly awesome. I walked in tonight expecting something truly sucky. It wasn't totally horrible, and since my expectations were so low, I kinda liked it. The writing was awful though. The lighting and SFX were so weird in the New Orleans fight scene that it took me out of the element. I think they tried too hard to put a bunch of actors and characters into the movie and just lost sight of what makes a good action movie. The popcorn sucked. I need to stop eating it. I never enjoy it. At least I stopped drinking soda a few years back. If I had soda tonight I would certainly feel awful right now. I'm excited to see the guys from Rise Against tomorrow. They're close friends and are passing through while on tour with Rancid. Joe Principe shares my love for coffee and we never miss a chance to get lattes. I can't wait to see them play in a couple weeks in LA. It's awesome to see your friends' bands doing so well.

Come on...not boring enough!
I guess I should probably try to sleep. I don't have to be up early, but uninterrupted sleep is always the best, and those pesky hotel maids are always trying to break in and clean in the morning. I'm so glad I don't have to take time to wash and style my hair anymore. What a waste of time that was! If only I could have all that time back. I would have so much time on my hands! I could write a thousand blogs. It's raining again. Maybe it was always raining, but I just couldn't hear it. Okay, it's bed time for me. Blogger out.

Wow! That was boooooooring! I hope I never try that again! Casual rambling blogs might be fun to read, but they sure are boring to write! Until next time, Tranq out.

P.S. Which of the following should I do next? Another Psychedelic Photo blog? Horse Blog Vol. 2? A semi-irregular, Tranquil Mammoth multi-lingual statistic blog? Maybe another Tranquil Mammoth Challenge of 2009 like Horses vs. Fugazi?? Leave me a comment and let me know which of those you'd like to see.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I eat your horse!

I know you probably think that I've completely neglected this blog, and in a way you are correct. The truth is, I've been writing a lot, but not on a computer. I've gone old school. Notebooks. I am working on something big, and I will tell you more about it later. For now, I hope you accept this picture as a peace offering. I know it's an old picture you may have seen before, but I still think it's funny.

P.S. I never blogged about the great loss we suffered. RIP Bea Arthur. Thank you for being a friend. Bea has been and will continue to be an important part of my blog.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Bummo KISS

This is my concept sketch for a new member of KISS. It's a KISSafied cross between Emmett Kelly's Weary Willie and Pete the pup that Joe McGrath named "Bummo." I was going to dress up exactly like this and approach Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley when they were recording next door. I was hoping that they would accept me as a new member/character of KISS. I was even willing to be flexible about what instrument Bummo would play. Washboard? Cowbell? Synthesizer? This was my best career plan yet...until Gene and Paul ate our Uncle Eddie's* Vegan Cookies without asking. I changed my mind after that. As a result, the world will never get to see Bummo in real life. ;(

*Not to be confused with this Uncle Eddie.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Hunter Burgan Q&A part 7 (of 7)

I now present you with the seventh and final Q&A* vlog in a series of seven.


Now I can finally get back to regular blogs and videos! Let the normalcy commence!!

*Quak&r oAts

Friday, April 17, 2009

It's getting kinda muggy in here...

I know you want this mug! How can I be so sure? Well, I want this mug, and since we think alike, it's only logical that you would also want this mug.
"Coffee should be
black as love,
strong as hell,
& sweet as death."
-Hunter Burgan

So go get this mug! Mother's Day is coming up!

P.S. The next vlog is coming verrrrrrrrry soon.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Hunter Burgan Q&A part 6 (of 7)

Dear readers, I now present to you the sixth part of the seven part Q&A* vlog. This one is highly anticipated, although that's only due to the fact that I've been too busy to upload it. Since National Reggae Awareness Year is coming up (2010), I've been spending most of my time trying to dread my hair. I've also been taking helicopter lessons. Not helicopter flying lessons, helicopter lessons.

When you're done watching this, and all my other videos, read some of my older blog entries. Long before I was a vlogger, I used to actually write words!

*Queen and Aerosmith

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Hunter Burgan Q&A part 5 (of 7)

I now present you with the fifth Q&A* vlog in a series of seven. Since the apocalypse is on its way, let me waste no time in giving you your instructions.

You have until midnight to do the following:
1. Watch it in HQ. (HQ is French for "high quality")
2. Subscribe to the channel.
3. Check your email.
4. Eat a sandwich.
5. Tell 5 people about my blog/videos/twitter. Who? People that don't know about my blog.
6. Watch the other videos again. They're even better the second, third, or twelfth time!

I know you can do it! Don't let me down, or you'll be letting the earth and the moon down! Be brave and bold!

*Quarktoplax and Alphatine

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Hunter Burgan Q&A part 4 (of 7)

I now present you with the fourth Q&A* vlog in a series of seven. Thanks for your patience. We (AFI) have been at our busiest this week and all my attention has been focused on our record. Well...except for when I made Broken Glass Everywhere.

By now you know the drill: watch the video in High Quality, subscribe to my channel, and tell your friends about it. Here's an idea...don't just tell them about it, SHOW it to them! Maybe if I get a million views I can sell ad space and pay off my student loans. Tell all your mammalian friends!

*Quality and Action

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Hunter Burgan Q&A part 3 (of 7)

I now present you with the third installment of my Q&A* vlogs. Has anyone noticed that they keep getting longer? Am I losing anyone here? I can always edit them down a bit. Let me know. I hope everyone is thoroughly entertained by these. Remember, these are your questions...I merely attempted to answer them. AFI is really hitting it hard in the studio right now, trying to get our record done, so you'll have to excuse my lack of writing/blogging. Just in case no one told you (although I doubt this is the case), you are invited and encouraged to follow me on Twitter. That's where I do the majority of my pointless, random, self-aggrandizing, laconic rambling.

Three things I want you to do:
1. As always, watch this video in High Quality. I shot and edited it in High Quality, so why would you want to see a different version of lesser quality? It just doesn't make sense.
2. Subscribe to my youtube channel. I might not always post every video on my blog or even tweet about it. If you want first dibs on watching my videos, subscribe.
3. Tell your friends about my youtube channel and of course, Tranquil Mammoth. The more people that read, watch, and enjoy what I do, the more I am incentivized to continue to do this stuff. I'm not sure why this is, but I'm sure it has to do with megalomania or egotism. Either way, we both win!

*Quips and Absurdities

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Hunter Burgan Q&A part 2 (of 7)

I now present you with the second Q&A* vlog. As I mentioned before, I will upload a new part every few days, so check back often! As usual, I dare you to watch the video in high greatly improves the viewing experience. Tabby really comes to life in high quality.

Thank you for the questions. I hope you enjoy the answers!


*Quetzalcóatl and Aztecs? Quakes and Avalanches? Quads and Abs? kyoōˈ ən āˈ?

Friday, March 27, 2009

Hunter Burgan Q&A part 1 (of 7)

I now present you with the first Q&A* vlog. I looked over every single question that you submitted (except the ones that violated the rules) and I answered as many as I could. Suddenly I found myself with over an hour of video to edit! So, rather than cheat you out of content, I decided to cut the Q&A* into seven parts. I will upload a new part every few days, so check back often! I dare you to watch the video in high greatly improves the viewing experience.

Thank you for the questions. I hope you enjoy the answers!


*Quotes and Articulations? Quivers and Arrows? Quick and Agile? Quack and Arf?

Friday, March 20, 2009

Question Authority

It's question time again!

Ok...last time I asked you to make up "How do I _____?" questions knowing very well that I would not be answering them. I received many great questions and the "something" that I'm working on is a little bit better now because of your questions. Thank you! I feel a little guilty though. Although I specifically stated that I would not be answering your questions, I still feel like you, dear readers, deserve to have a few questions answered. So...

This time around I want to answer some of your questions!

Here are my conditions:
1. Only one question per person, so choose wisely. Don't ask something that has already been asked.
2. You must submit your question as a comment to this blog entry between 12pm PT and 6pm PT on Friday, March 20, 2009. Questions posted before noon or after six pm pacific time today will not be considered. No exceptions. I'm sorry if you miss the window.
3. I will try to answer as many questions as possible, but I reserve the right to not answer questions that I feel are inappropriate. I might not know the answer to some questions, and other I might not legally or morally be able to answer, so once again, choose wisely.
4. Be creative. I am more likely to pick fun, smart, unique questions.
5. I might just not pick your question for no reason. Don't cry if your question gets overlooked. I'd like to keep this fun and hopefully we can do this more often.
6. Much of the information relating to the upcoming AFI album is either a secret or just simply unknown. Please understand and respect this when composing your question. The same applies to the moon.
7. I will not answer questions from "Anonymous". Since all "Anonymous" comments look like they're coming from the same user, I have no way of know if they are coming from unique people or not. So...DON'T anonymously ask your question.

Oh did I mention?
I'm going to answer these via video!
Now go out there and fight!!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Tomorrow Evening

Clear your calendars! Tomorrow evening I will be on DJ Rossstar's Punk Rock Show, 7pm PT on
It's free. Meet me on the the internet. Wear a carnation so I'll recognize you...I'll be the guy in the mask. Later we can all go and eat burritos.

Monday, March 9, 2009

They Live!

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it! The Hunter, brought to you by Macbeth and yours truly is now available at as well as select Journey's retail locations!!! They live! In the midst of all this excitement, I look across the internet and I see a puzzled look on your face. I immediately know what you're thinking:
"But Hunter, which locations?"
To answer this question as precisely as possible, I am providing you with a list of all the select locations. Just right click or download or super-size (or something) this file:

I've been told that if I can't sell enough pairs of The Hunter through Journey's that it may not live to see the leaves change on the trees this Autumn. How sad! That's all these shoes ever wanted! (They also wanted to be the most badass bulletproof vegan high top that ever existed, but that wish was granted the day they were created.) The Hunter needs your help to make its dreams a reality. (That last sentence sounds really weird to me, but oh well.) quote the Bally's classic pinball machine, Eight Ball Deluxe,
"Quit talkin' and start chalkin'."

Friday, February 27, 2009

How Do I _____?

Hello, dear readers.
I'm working on something right now and I need everyone's help.
What can you do to help?
You can help by leaving me a comment that asks how to do something.
Here's are some examples:

How do I change a flat tire?
How do I break out of prison?
How do I make a vegan quiche?

You can ask as many as you like.
Feel free to get as creative as you want.
I'm looking for simple yet creative questions.

Note: I will not be answering your question, so don't direct the question at me.

Thanks everyone,

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Camping With The Dad From Silver Spoons

If I had to pick six people to bring with me on a camping trip, the dad from Silver Spoons would be my first choice. My other picks would be: Gumby, a drunken cowboy, a jockey, and a non-threatening mummy. I also would bring a cartoon robot, even if it counted as one of my people. If the cartoon robot didn't count as one of my picks, then I would bring an animatronic cat from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. They love the outdoors and are immune to poison oak. I can't wait until Summer!!! I'm really looking forward to going hiking and swimming. In the evening we can sit around the campfire and tell ghost stories. I bet the jockey will have quite a few! We will sing songs like "Careless Whisper" and roast some of these! This Summer is going to be great, just spending time with good friends and ol' mother nature.
"Hey the dad from Silver Spoons, will you help me look for more firewood?"

Which six people would YOU pick to go camping with?

Monday, February 23, 2009

Update 2-22 at 2:22 PM

Hunter Revenge @ Cinespace on 2/1/09 by Carlton Beener

Okay, I lied about the date and time of this update, but I'm close enough. Two twenty-two at two twenty-two PM is the funniest time of the year (it's a proven fact that 22 is the funniest number) and I if I had not been laughing hysterically, I surely would have written this blog at that exact minute. So what has been going on? Let's make a list.

1. NAMM - In January, I took a trip down to Anaheim to attend the 2009 NAMM show. NAMM is a four day music gear blast that is the Comic-Con of gear nerds. To say that it is HUUUUUGE would be an understatement. Every company that makes any type of anything that's even remotely related to the idea of music is represented. I was asked to sign autographs for Ampeg. While I was there I ran into Tim from Rancid, Geoff from Tiger Army, Maya from The Donnas and a few other friends. I talked to bassist Tony Levin about photography (he carries a camera around his neck and takes pictures all the time, even on stage!) and even snapped a psychedelic picture of Mick Mars. Thanks to @flavapave for the software!

2. The Hunter - My new Macbeth shoe, The Hunter is available now! Order it online now, or wait another week and walk into Journey's to buy a pair. Your feet will thank you!

3. HR Show - On Feb 1st, Hunter Revenge played a very focused set in Hollywood, CA at a little place called Cinespace. We had a lot of fun, as we always do. Everyone who showed up had fun too. See how this works? Anyhow, this will be the last Hunter Revenge show until I have new songs to play. I love playing the old stuff, but it would be so much cooler to play new songs. I will have updates about the new songs soon. Keep your ears open.

4. Shorty Awards - You can read the post below to hear about my trip to NYC to accept the music Shorty at the Shorty Awards.

5. Grocery Shopping - I bought some cereal, rice dream, two frozen burritos, new english muffins (from New England), soups, soaps, and broccoli.

6. President's Day - AKA The Place Where I Wanted To Get An Awesome Vegan Burrito Was Closed And I Had To Settle For A Frozen Burrito Day.

7. Begin Transmission! - The winners of AFI's Begin Transmission contest joined us in the studio! As it turns out, Natacia, Raine, Mark, Courtney, Brock and Christy were all very good singers and really helped us out. It was really refreshing to have people in the studio that haven't heard the new songs 87652348 times already. After so much build up and excitement, the time really flew by and before I knew it, AFI's new friends (and their guests) were on their way home. I hope everyone made it home safely and I look forward to seeing these new friends in the future. Apparently Natacia and Christy commemorated the experience with BEGIN TRANSMISSION tattoos. How cool is that!?

8. Mammoth Regeneration - Yesterday at 3:30 AM I began the first of several mammoth cloning/regeneration experiments. My goal is to be the first person to successfully regenerate a mammoth. At 3:45 AM I realized that this was going to be more difficult than I first thought, due to the fact that I have no mammoth DNA. I consider this a minor setback. This week I'm going to head down to the La Brea tar pits, hop a fence or two, and "find" some mammoth samples. Wish me luck.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Shorty Awards!

Posing with my Shorty Award.

A few days ago I had the honor of receiving a Shorty Award in the Music category. The Shorty Awards recognize those individuals who have expert-level mastery (or just plain obsessive use) of Twitter. The prize included a free trip to NYC and a chance to mix n' mingle with other Twitter savvy folks. CNN's Rick Sanchez hosted the event, and MC Hammer presented some of the awards (including mine) alongside Rick. I had a great time and met a lot of really cool people, many of whom I hope to stay in touch with. Highlights of the trip include getting a personal tour of the Marvel Comics Headquarters (thanks, Agent M!!), hanging out with my oldest and dearest friend Greg and his wife Laura (Thanks again for putting me up), and of course hanging out with MC Hammer. More can be read about this event here, here, here, and here. (and also here)
Thanks to Kelly and Daniela for the pictures!

Hammer and Hunter - U Can't Touch This!

I tapped the mic to prove once and for all that the feedback you ALWAYS hear in movies when people step up to the podium doesn't really happen! It's a fallacy!

Two dapper lads: Greg Martin (my BFF of nearly 30 years) and myself.

Charles Trippy and myself. He won the Shorty for Humor.

Accepting my Shorty.

CNN's Rick Sanchez and myself.

Hammer and Rick Sanchez laugh at my jokes (or at my expense!)

Hammer apologizing for joking at my expense. Don't worry, Hammer. It's all good.

Look! My first Shorty! (the gentleman behind me is obviously jealous)

Like I said in my acceptance speech: "Thanks 2 everyone who nominated/voted for me; my friends, fans & followers; readers of; & especially all the @AFI fans." Follow me on twitter and maybe next year YOU'LL be meeting MC Hammer!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Tranq Rating

Some of you, may have noticed I added a "Tranq Rating" to the bottom of each post. This enables you, dear readers, to tell me if you think my post rules the Tundra :) or belongs in a Tar Pit :(. Hopefully this will help me determine what type of content to create in the future.

Give it a try!

Shirt and Shoes Required!

If you like t-shirts, then you'll love this one. It's made out of nice soft cotton (the kind the Olsen twins love) and features a scrambled version of the artwork that is inside my new Macbeth vegan shoe, The Hunter. You can order the shirt HERE. Oh, and guess what I just realized...
You can apparently order my new shoe, The Hunter, now too! Click here! It's totally vegan and totally available in men's sizes 5-13. Please do your best to ignore the rampant misspellings you may encounter while ordering my shirt or shoes. I lose sleep over these things, but it doesn't seem to help. I simply don't have the time to correct spelling errors all over the internet.

Good buy.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Hunter joins Buzznet!

As if there wasn't already enough Hunter Burgan on the internet! I mean seriously! Haven't you had enough already!? If the answer is "NO!" and you want to see the overdose of photos and videos that I will be posting on Buzznet, then click on over!* If you're a Buzznet member, befriend me! If you're Rachel McAdams, befriend me!

There's a good chance you will find things there that you won't find anywhere else on the internet (read: exclusive) and maybe that's for the best! ;/
You be the judge!

*If the answer is "Yes!", then do nothing.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Hunter Revenge show? YES!

Get there before 10:30 PM!
Be over 18 years old!
Bring your handclaps!
See Hunter Revenge play like never before in 2009!!!!

Sizzling guitar solos!
Cataclysmic keyboard licks!
Moon shattering keyboard licks!
Thumping drum beats!
Sticky sweet vocals!

The Olsen twins will be there!*
Winston Churchill will be there!*
CGI Doves will be there!*
Will you be there?

Club info here.

*Will not actually be there.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Horses vs. Fugazi

As many of you know, I am a fan of horses. While they are not my favorite animal (that title remains with the mammoth), horses are still unarguably great. So I thought, why not put them up up against something else unarguably Fugazi. So, for the first Tranquil Mammoth Challenge of 2009, I've pitted beast against band. Let's see who comes out on top.

Date of OriginHorses were probably first domesticated between 4,500 and 2,500 BC.Fugazi's lineup solidified in late 1987.
Place of OriginEarthWashington DC, Earth
EvolutionDNA evidence shows modern horses are descended from not one but several wild populations.After Minor Threat broke up, Ian MacKaye played in several groups before starting a new band with Colin Sears and Joe Lally. Sears was soon replaced by Brendan Canty. Guy Picciotto, who had been in Rites of Spring with Canty, joined as a second vocalist after his band, Happy Go Licky broke up. Picciotto began playing second guitar before their first album, Repeater was recorded in 1989.
Selected DiscographyDespite thousands of albums with 'horse' in the title or band name, no horses have ever recorded any music on their own.EPs
7 Songs (1988)
Margin Walker (1989)
13 Songs (complilation of the two EPs above) (1989)
Repeater (1990)
Steady Diet of Nothing (1991)
In on the Kill Taker (1993)
Red Medicine (1995)
End Hits (1998)
Instrument Soundtrack (1999)
The Argument (2001)
Propensity for violenceStallions will often challenge and fight other stallions, often if a mare is present.Fugazi discourages violence and violent dancing at their shows.
QuantityExperts estimate that there are more than 75,000,000 horses in existence.There is only one Fugazi.
StrengthHorses are very strong. I personally estimate their strength to be roughly 1 hp (horsepower) or 33,000 ft·lbf/min.Trouser Press describes Fugazi as "a knuckle sandwich made with nine-grain bread, building strong minds and bodies with rattling guitar power."
HeightMeasured in hands: This horse is 15 hands high!Measured in inches: This Fugazi record is a 12"!
Live PerformanceHorses star in horse racing, dressage, eventing, show jumping, and rodeo as well as films and tv shows. Their performances range from utilitarian to beautifully graceful to exhilarating.Fugazi concerts are exciting, engaging and memorable.
MerchandiseMany products are derived (extorted) from horses, including meat, milk, hide, hair, bone, and pharmaceuticals extracted from the urine of pregnant mares."Merchandise keeps us in line
Common sense says it's by design
What could a businessman ever want more
than to have us sucking in his store"
SpeedThe average horse gallop is 25 to 30 miles (40 to 48 km) per hour.Some Fugazi songs exceed 200 beats per minute, although their average song tempo is much slower.
FoodHorses are herbivores.Fugazi's members are all reportedly vegan/vegetarian.
WaterYou can theoretically lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."One drink of water and I'm drowning"
Meaning of NameI'm pretty sure it stands for 'Hold On, Ride Solid, Equus', although I may have just made this up.From Mark Baker's Nam, a compilation of stories of Vietnam War veterans, where it used as a backronym for 'Fucked Up, Got Ambushed, Zipped In'.
Current StatusHorses are currently everywhere, eating.Fugazi is currently on an indefinite hiatus.

It looks like the first Tranquil Mammoth Challenge of 2009 has resulted in a tie, and I'm not surprised. Both Horses and Fugazi have proven themselves to be truly great. Send me some suggestions for the next Tranquil Mammoth Challenge of 2009.