Monday, September 22, 2008

Hello! Hallo! Witaj! Hei! Hej! Hola! Здравствуйте! Yo!

With the majority of 2008 behind us and Autumn suddenly upon us, I'd like to take a few moments to reflect on something that most of you probably don't even think about:

Most visits, by country/territory:
1. United States
2. Canada
3. Australia
4. United Kingdom
5. Germany
6. Poland
7. Finland
8. Sweden
9. Mexico
10. New Zealand
11. Moon

If you don't see your country/territory listed above, it just means you need to encourage your friends to read this blog more. Not every country/territory can be in the coveted top 11.

Most visits, by city:
1. (not set)
2. West Hollywood
3. Perth
4. Brisbane
5. San Francisco
6. London

I don't know where "(not set)" is, so I will assume it's on the moon. I also didn't realize I had such a concentrated readership in Western Australia. [Note to my Canadian readers: If you are a bit confused about why you're #2 on the country/territory list, yet you have no cities in the top 6, it's because you are evenly (perhaps even perfectly) distributed across 120 different cities.]

Longest average time spent per visit, by country/territory:
1. Serbia (9:33!!)
2. India
3. Portugal
4. Slovakia
5. Romania

Keep in mind, when reading this blog, that there is no rush. Explore the different pictures, videos, links and prose. Let the words seep into your soul at a natural pace. The Serbians certainly have the right idea.

Fact: Readers in Costa Rica spend an average of :06 seconds reading this blog.
Apparently Costa Ricans are fast readers!

Fact: 3.6% of Tranquil Mammoth readers use dial-up.
What's up with that!? Seriously?

Fact: No one in Alaska has ever read this blog.
...which I had actually suspected for quite some time.

Check out this pie chart:
This chart tells us that 85.63% of Tranquil Mammoth's readers live in English speaking countries/territories. This is great, because I speak English! But what about the readers in the rest of the world that do NOT live in English speaking countries/territories? Tranquil Mammoth has readers all over the world and the moon! In fact, my research tells me that you guys and girls live in places where 44 different primary languages are spoken! That's a Google Analytics-verified fact!

In order to reach more readers in non-English speaking countries/territories, I have decided that I will poorly translate parts of this blog into other languages. If you only speak English, then this will give you an opportunity to learn a new language, courtesy of Tranquil Mammoth. Let's begin.

Inte detta pumpa paj ser bra ut? Hösten är min favorit tidpunkten för år. Jag älskar att titta på bladen ändra färg på träden. Har du bor på en plats där bladen ändra färg också?

Check out this pie:
N-am mai fost în România. E frumos acolo? Am cumparat recent "The Kids in the Hall" de pe DVD-ul. Te-am iubit ca show TV crescut. Stii de spectacol Sunt referindu-se la?

Finden Sie nicht auch hasse es, wenn man auf eine Tankstelle, weil Sie dringend zu urinieren, und die Toilette Schlüssel wird an einem schmutzigen Stück Holz oder ein anderes Objekt, das Sie müssen in die Toilette? Wo werden Sie es, während Sie urinieren?

ねえ、あなたが私の馬のブログを読むのですか?している場合は、実際に私はまだ考えいる"とは、 "し、今では大きなチャンスです。下にスクロール...これだけのすぐ下に1つのブログのエントリの!

O que você começa quando você atravessar uma insónias, agnóstica, e de um disléxico? Alguém que fica a noite toda me perguntando se existe um cão! -Groucho Marx ...Na verdade, eu acho piada que só funciona em Inglês. Desculpa :-/

Ik ben nieuwsgierig: Heb mijn Nederlandse lezers graag Guitar Hero of Rock Band beter? Misschien beschikt u niet spelen van videospellen. Moet ik eens Nederlandse lezers? Google Analytics suggereert dat ik er ten minste 37. Ik ben dol op het Nederlandse woord voor 'gek'.

Вы знакомы с Jeff Garlin? Я думаю, что он очень смешной. Если он когда-либо заходит на ваш район для выполнения резервных мер комедии, необходимо, чтобы вы участвуете. Я также пользуются Steve Martin огромный, но он уже не выполняет резервных мер комедии.

Check out the moon:
यह लगभग रात के भोजन का वक्त आ गया है, और मैं शाकाहारी शिकागो के लिए बाहर जा रहा हूँ शैली की गहरी पकवान pizza! यह बहुत स्वादिष्ट है! तुम मुझे ईर्ष्या.

53 6f 20 77 68 61 74 27 73 20 75 70 20 77 69 74 68 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 6f 6e 3f 20 45 76 65 72 79 74 68 69 6e 67 21 20 28 67 65 74 20 69 74 3f 29 20 41 6e 79 77 61 79 73 2e 2e 2e 43 6f 6e 67 72 61 74 73 20 6f 6e 20 6d 61 6b 69 6e 67 20 74 68 65 20 74 6f 70 20 31 31 21 20 59 6f 75 20 61 72 65 20 73 6f 6d 65 20 6f 66 20 6d 79 20 62 65 73 74 20 61 6e 64 20 6d 6f 73 74 20 64 65 76 6f 74 65 64 20 72 65 61 64 65 72 73 21 20 53 74 61 79 20 46 72 65 73 68 21 21 (since I'm not sure if people on the moon speak Hex, I also translated this into Binary.)

So there you have it, the first ever, semi-irregular, Tranquil Mammoth multi-lingual statistic blog. I hope you learned something. I know I sure did. Until next time, Goodbye! Auf Wiedersehen! Do widzenia! Näkemiin! Hejdå! Adiós! До свидания!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Horse Blog Vol. 1

After much (possibly too much) anticipation and hype, I now present to you Vol. 1 of my horse blog. Before we begin this horse adventure, I would like to share with you something that French Surrealist, André Breton once said,
"The man who can't visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot."

They say you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I think that's assuming a lot! First off, can we really assume the horse's gender without checking? I, for one, do not wish to be the person in charge of checking. Do you know what the statistics for non-fatal horse related injuries in the US are? I didn't either until I read this. So for the sake of this blog, let's just call the horse an "it."

They say you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
I think that's still assuming a lot! I mean...can you? Can you lead a horse to water? Can you lead a horse at all? Can you even find a horse? I don't know about you, but where I live there aren't horses just hanging around waiting to be lead around. This saying must date back to a time when horses were just hanging around every corner. So, in order to rule out some of these variables and make this easier, let's just assume that you are lucky enough to find a horse who is already near water.

They say you can't make a horse drink. I believe it. That horse is spoiled. You could probably buy that horse some candy and flowers or maybe take it on a date to a really nice Italian restaurant and a jazz club afterwards or even fly that horse to Horse Island for a weekend getaway AND STILL the horse probably wouldn't drink, which brings me to the next question.

Why are you trying to get this horse to drink? Surely you aren't trying to take advantage of a horse that's been drinking, right? I'm sure the last thing you need right now, dear readers, is some type of legal mess that involves an under-aged horse. A jury is not going to be very sympathetic, especially after the cops find the dead horse's body in your trunk! I know what you're thinking, "But Hunter, what was I supposed to do with the body!?!"
There's no use in beating a dead horse. I'll agree with that one. Unless, well... Unless you're under the impression that you can beat a dead horse back to life. I looked online for the definitive site for horse CPR, but all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

"Hold your horses, Hunter!" you might be thinking right now, "Where are you going with all of this?" Well, dear readers, that's a very good question. Winston Churchill once said, "There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man." That makes me wonder what he thought of the inside of a horse. Churchill was smart enough to know that the inside of a horse is often filled with Greek soldiers. At least that's how it was back in the day.

If you lead a horse to water and it decides to drink, then what? If you are clever enough to convince the horse of its thirst, then my work is done here. The student has become the master. Good for you!
This draws us to the conclusion of the horse blog Vol. 1. Until the next volume, I will leave you with this quote from comedy pioneer, Stan Laurel.
"You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead."

It feels like Christmas! (in more ways than one)

Before I post my epic horse blog, I just wanted to share some of the banners people have made for The Force's online store.

Sam made these:

Hazel made this:

and Klerpy turned in this gem:

Thursday, September 11, 2008

One for the history books (or history blogs)

The Force reunion mini-tour was a success! We kicked the whole thing off with a secret show in Sacramento in a coffee shop. The coffee was good. Next stop was our home turf in Nevada City. It was crazy seeing so many familiar faces at the shows. There were people there I hadn't seen since high school! The opening band was called Young Voices. Everyone should check them out. They reminded me of an old Dischord band. The next night we played at 924 Gilman St. which is where we played our very second show ever, back in 1995. A bunch of friends, old and new came out to this one as well. I know what you're thinking, and yes, my AFI bandmates came out to watch. The final night of our mini-tour was in Anaheim. We actually played at Chain Reaction when it used to be called Public Storage. That was the nineties. Our pal Carlton Beener took some photos like the one above. Click here to check out more photos from all the shows. Mad props (does anyone still say that?) to the crew from Pittsburgh who came out for all the shows. Like I said before, the shows were a success, but not just because we pulled it off (Chad hadn't played drums in over 6 years) or because we blew everyone's minds (which we certainly did) but because we were able to recreate the feeling of being ten years younger and playing crazy music with your friends. I don't mean to get overly sentimental, but for me the real success was reuniting old friends.

Now that The Force shows are over, we put all the leftover merchandise in our online store. Now people from all over the world that weren't able to attend the shows can pretend like they were there. I made this banner for the store. Maybe somebody would like to make a better one?? If that somebody is you, let me know. Thanks.
In the store, we have a few shirt designs, a sweatshirt, buttons, stickers, AND the 12" vinyl gatefold "Complete Discography" too! Everything is in limited quantities and only available while supplies last. Once this stuff is gone, it's gone for good. The Force - Complete Discography is and will always be available on iTunes for everyone out there who likes mp3s instead of LPs.

I've been trying to keep track of the interviews I've done recently. Below is an interview I did for Mishmash.

In horse blog news, I will attempt to release the horse blog this weekend. I don't want it to be compared to the AFI EP or my vegan blog that never happened.

Be true to your school.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Back to School

Hello readers!
I have about 30 days worth of catching up to do.
I will "blog" for real later, I promise.
In the mean time, watch these: