Update 2-22 at 2:22 PM

Hunter Revenge @ Cinespace on 2/1/09 by Carlton Beener
Okay, I lied about the date and time of this update, but I'm close enough. Two twenty-two at two twenty-two PM is the funniest time of the year (it's a proven fact that 22 is the funniest number) and I if I had not been laughing hysterically, I surely would have written this blog at that exact minute. So what has been going on? Let's make a list.

1. NAMM - In January, I took a trip down to Anaheim to attend the 2009 NAMM show. NAMM is a four day music gear blast that is the Comic-Con of gear nerds. To say that it is HUUUUUGE would be an understatement. Every company that makes any type of anything that's even remotely related to the idea of music is represented. I was asked to sign autographs for Ampeg. While I was there I ran into Tim from Rancid, Geoff from Tiger Army, Maya from The Donnas and a few other friends. I talked to bassist Tony Levin about photography (he carries a camera around his neck and takes pictures all the time, even on stage!) and even snapped a psychedelic picture of Mick Mars. Thanks to @flavapave for the software!

2. The Hunter - My new Macbeth shoe, The Hunter is available now! Order it online now, or wait another week and walk into Journey's to buy a pair. Your feet will thank you!

3. HR Show - On Feb 1st, Hunter Revenge played a very focused set in Hollywood, CA at a little place called Cinespace. We had a lot of fun, as we always do. Everyone who showed up had fun too. See how this works? Anyhow, this will be the last Hunter Revenge show until I have new songs to play. I love playing the old stuff, but it would be so much cooler to play new songs. I will have updates about the new songs soon. Keep your ears open.

4. Shorty Awards - You can read the post below to hear about my trip to NYC to accept the music Shorty at the Shorty Awards.

5. Grocery Shopping - I bought some cereal, rice dream, two frozen burritos, new english muffins (from New England), soups, soaps, and broccoli.

6. President's Day - AKA The Place Where I Wanted To Get An Awesome Vegan Burrito Was Closed And I Had To Settle For A Frozen Burrito Day.

7. Begin Transmission! - The winners of AFI's Begin Transmission contest joined us in the studio! As it turns out, Natacia, Raine, Mark, Courtney, Brock and Christy were all very good singers and really helped us out. It was really refreshing to have people in the studio that haven't heard the new songs 87652348 times already. After so much build up and excitement, the time really flew by and before I knew it, AFI's new friends (and their guests) were on their way home. I hope everyone made it home safely and I look forward to seeing these new friends in the future. Apparently Natacia and Christy commemorated the experience with BEGIN TRANSMISSION tattoos. How cool is that!?

8. Mammoth Regeneration - Yesterday at 3:30 AM I began the first of several mammoth cloning/regeneration experiments. My goal is to be the first person to successfully regenerate a mammoth. At 3:45 AM I realized that this was going to be more difficult than I first thought, due to the fact that I have no mammoth DNA. I consider this a minor setback. This week I'm going to head down to the La Brea tar pits, hop a fence or two, and "find" some mammoth samples. Wish me luck.

Midnight Update!

I've noticed that because I update so much on Twitter, I haven't been including much about what I've been up to in my blog entries. Subconsciously I'm trying to avoid being redundant, but I guess there's no shame in redundancy. I mean, after all, it's the internet; it's already redundant!

Here are 12 FACTS about what I've been up to lately:
(in no particular order)

FACT 1: I have been appointed as Vegan Ambassador for Macbeth Footwear. Read about it here, and here. Also, check out some pictures that Ryan Russell took of me here.

FACT 2: I had a "white" x-mas, meaning that huge snow flakes were falling from the sky when I woke up on December 25, 2008. I was in Grass Valley, and in Grass Valley that kind of weather is not unheard of, or undreamt of.

FACT 3: AFI played KROQ's "Almost Acoustic Christmas" on December 13, 2008. On our final song, "Love Like Winter," I mashed my knee up. I have since recovered.

FACT 4: I saw The Cure play at the Troubador on December 13, and at the Gibson Arena on December 14, both 2008. I love The Cure. I finally met Robert.

FACT 5: Hunter Revenge played at Cinespace on December 21, 2008. Since my usual keyboardist, Dan Kelly, was unable to play (due some sort of family reunion), I had, for the first time ever, two keyboardists on stage to replace him. Missed it? Come see Hunter Revenge play Cinespace AGAIN on February 1, 2009. I'll provide more information about this in the future.

FACT 6: I grew a "holiday beard" and eventually shaved that damn thing off. Beards are for Rip Van Winkles.

FACT 7: I did not get engaged. Google it.

FACT 8: I have a new shoe coming out in February, 2009. It's called "The Hunter" and is 100% vegan. It's also 10,000,000% awesome. Take a look at it here before you order 6 pairs. Yes, the shoes are bulletproof. No, I haven't actually tested them against bullets. Would you like to? "For this next trick I'll need a volunteer from the audience..."

FACT 9: While in the studio, working on AFI's eighth studio album, I recorded twelve tracks of bass on a single song. That being said, I feel I must clarify that at most, there are no more than three distinct performances at any given moment in the song. Also, technically three of the tracks are baritone guitar, doubling my bass line. I still think this qualifies me for some type of award. Excessive Bassist of the Year?

FACT 10: Speaking of awards, I was successfully nominated for two Shorty Awards. One of the categories (#awesome) isn't an official category, but still quite awesome. Go vote for me in the other category, #music: http://shortyawards.com/user/TranquilMammoth I need your votes to win! Voting ends January 23, 2009.

FACT 11: Joe Principe (of Rise Against fame) and I are having a conversation right now about how to make bass the "it" instrument for 2009. Kids all over the world should (and will) want to play bass above all other instruments. Ever hear of Bass Hero™? Well maybe somebody will invent that once they catch on to what's happening.

If you're asking yourself, "Where's the 12th fact, Hunter?" then I'm asking you this: Why are you calling yourself Hunter? Is it your name too? (I'll admit that Hunter is a pretty strange name to call yourself, even if it IS your name.) The answer is this: In 2009, numbers don't matter as much as they did in 2008. Think way back to the baker's dozen. I'm not sure what year that was invented, but I can tell you that twelve equalled thirteen that year! Be happy with eleven.

Now quit reading this and go give blood!

Animal Fighting - the blog

While trying to make a list of New Year's Resolutions, I decided to waste time with a completely unrelated list.

Five Animals I Wouldn't Want To Fight
(and how I would fight them if I had to)
Before I begin, I'd like to stress that as a vegan and animal lover, there are almost no circumstances under which I would ever harm a living creature. The following situations and techniques are for the exception to that rule. These are to be assumed as "life or death" situations.


1. Grizzly Bear - Since most bears can outrun any human (even Carl Lewis) and they typically disembowel their victims, the key to fighting a grizzly bear is to distract it, then incapacitate it. To distract it, I would employ the use of a laser. No laser pointer or laser sight is enough to do the trick, however. I'm talking about a laser light show. Pink Floyd style. I seem to recall seeing a travel size version of this at Guitar Center. Don't correct me if I'm wrong. Once the bear is distracted, I would knock it on the head with a bowling ball. A 14 lb. ball (or heavier) will do the trick. Don't go into battle with one of those hot pink 8 lb. balls they have at the bowling alley unless you want your guts spread all around the forest. One or two hits to the head should be enough to render the bear unconscious. Remember, I'm not trying to kill the poor creature, just protect myself from imminent death.


2. Shark - Once a shark gets a taste of your blood, it will eat you. That's just a fact. Make a note to never serve hors d'oeuvres made from your own blood at a party that sharks will be attending. Since the vast majority of shark fights take place underwater, let's assume that for my shark fight, I'm also underwater. Let's also assume that I'm wearing military grade scuba gear. The gear would of course be state of the art and I would look really good wearing it (I'm hoping I will get some sort of scuba gear sponsorship out of this.) Now on to the fight. Sharks are just mouths that can swim, but those mouths are filled with thousands of razor sharp teeth. I imagine that (once again, don't correct me if I'm wrong) with enough peanut butter, you could make the shark's mouth stick together. It would take more than just a jar of Skippy and a spoon though. I would need something that sprays a high volume of peanut butter at a high velocity underwater. We'll call this device the Peanut Blaster™. (If any food-weaponry companies out there want to manufacture the Peanut Blaster™, get in touch with my lawyer and we'll work something out. I have detailed schematics in my head.) A shark fight is that simple. I'll blast the shark in the mouth with the Peanut Blaster™ set to "stun" and then swim away in my new scuba gear.


3. Tyrannosaurus Rex - Fighting a T. Rex requires encountering one, and that requires owning a time machine, which I do. However, I think this unique set of circumstances raises the question, "Why fight a T. Rex when you could just travel to a time of obvious safety instead?" Normally I would do just that, travel forward or backward through time to avoid a T. Rex fight. But what if the time machine was damaged by a clumsy Diplodocus? I would have no other choice than to fight a T. Rex if cornered. Since T. Rexes' teeth can crush bone, and they have binocular vision, comparable or better than modern hawks, I would have to avoid being seen in order to avoid being eaten. I would quickly dress in camouflage to avoid being seen. I prefer pink and grey camouflage if available, since it's a fact that all dinosaurs are color blind (okay, it's not a fact, it's my theory.) Then I would sneak up behind the T. Rex and, with a jack hammer, break one of his tibias before he is able to turn around. T. Rexes are notoriously slow at turning around. Hopefully this would buy enough time to fix my time machine. If not, I would resort to blinding him with the Peanut Blaster™.


4. Lion - Lions are the rightful kings of the jungle, and I would never attempt to fight a king in his own kingdom. So let's just say, for the sake of this blog, that the lion is in my kitchen. Normally I would use a similar technique for lions, tigers and bears- the laser/bowling ball combo. Since you've already heard me explain that one, I'll illustrate another technique. I call this one Plan B. Plan B consists of two things: 1. The element of surprise, and 2. Piping hot soup. I always keep a a large (but light-weight) cauldron of piping hot soup in my kitchen, usually split pea, or some type of vegan bisque. In order to surprise the lion, I will need to do something it would never expect. First I would turn my stereo on full blast. Lenny Kravitz's "Are You Gonna Go My Way?" is the song of choice when fighting lions. The intensity of Lenny's guitar riff during the intro might be enough to surprise the lion, but I wouldn't stop there. Next I would turn off all the lights except for the strobe light above the stove. While the lion is recovering from this confusing change of scene, I would knock over the cauldron of soup, effectively covering the floor, making it hot and slippery. Finally, I would swing down from atop the fridge on a rope made of hemp and kick the lion back into a pit. If you're going to try this technique at home (which I highly recommend) you may want to dig a pit in your kitchen like I have. Taking care of this in advance will ensure that you are ready for almost any wild mammal attacks in your home. I have covered my pit with a few leafy branches and most days I don't even notice it.


5. Cobra - Can you outrun a cobra? My guess is no. Even if you're fast, eventually you may have to fight a cobra. Here's what I would do if I had to fight one. First I would check to see if it's a spitting cobra. Spitting (like yawning) is contagious. Pay close attention to the dugout at a professional baseball game for an example of this phenomenon. If I spit over to my right and the cobra does nothing, I know it's safe to approach with a hockey stick covered in molasses. Cobras love molasses (as always, don't correct me if I'm wrong) and will be trying to lick the hockey stick the whole time I'm pummeling the poor creature. Case closed. However, if I spit over to the right and the cobra spits over to its right, I know I've got a spitting cobra on my hands and all bets are off. The Peanut Blaster™ is useless against snakes, as are most soups and strobes. Lasers are mildly effective, but require precise positioning, which is often hard to do with little or no time in such a stressful situation. Your best bet, and what I would do, is quickly build a fire. Snakes hate fire (as demonstrated in Indiana Jones films) and will either retreat to look for supplies to make smores, or become aggressively hostile. If the latter is the case, I would let the cobra chase me into a hall of mirrors. Cobras may be deadly, but they're not that smart. I'm sure I could trick the cobra into attacking my reflection enough times that it would eventually grow weary and give up.

Hopefully we will all be lucky enough to never have to fight these animals. Normally this is where you would find a legal disclaimer, warning you to never fight animals and to never use my techniques. You'll find no disclaimer here, just this warning: If you happen to find yourself face to face with one of these formidable creatures and DO NOT use my techniques, you're as good as dead, and I will not visit your grave!

Goodbye 2008! Hello "Top 10" lists!

With the very predictable end of 2008 comes the very unpredictable "TOP 10 of 2008" lists by yours truly, Hunter Burgan.

Top 10 Films I Saw in 2008:
(in no alphabetical order)
1. The Dark Knight - Sure, Heath Ledger was great, but let's not overlook the ridiculous undertaking of using mostly practical effects! and filming in IMAX!? Christopher Nolan is a genius. This is how Batman is supposed to be. Christian Bale is great too.
2. Step Brothers - This film was a test to see how long you can run with a pretty stupid premise before it becomes boring or played out. Will Farrell and John C. Reilly pass this test with flying colors!
3. Burn After Reading - A fun romp of a dark comedy with great characters, as usual. The Coen Brothers are a team that I'd like to be a part of, somehow. Can we make this happen?
4. Cloverfield - I thought this film was really cleverly written. The "found video camera" storytelling format is probably one of the hardest formats to write for that I can think of right now. Perhaps writing an upbeat animated adventure about genocide would be harder.
5. Son of Rambow - This film reminds me of myself when I was younger. I was always making epic movies with my parents' video camera.
6. The Fall - The visuals are STUNNING, and the little girl is so cute.
7. Flash of Genius - Greg Kinnear is really good in this one. It's such a frustrating story...even now, thinking back, it's mildly upsetting.
8. Milk - Destined to be a classic film. Certainly one of the best of the best of the best. If you haven't seen it, go see it right now!
9. Synecdoche, New York - This film was a real mindf*ck. I love movies that challenge the way we watch movies. Thoughts of this film seep into my life everyday.
10. Role Models - I thought this film was going to suck in a "cream of the crap" kind of way, but it ended up being legitimately good. Who knew?!
11. The Wrestler - Mickey Rourke was born to play this part...well maybe he was born to be a baby, and then many many years later play this part. What brilliant gem will Darren Aronofsky throw at us next? A remake of Robocop??
12. Foot Fist Way - I thought the book was so good, that there was no way the film could deliver the goods. I was wrong.

Special Mention: Baghead - If you're a fan of the Duplass Brothers' The Puffy Chair, you should check out Baghead. I'm not certain that this film hit that many theatres, but it was a real treat to see it with the Brothers Duplass hosting a Q&A afterwards.


Top 10 Colors in 2008:
(in order to plan your wardrobe for the next 2008)
1. White - White was the new black in 2008. I can't explain it. It just happened, and suddenly I had to go out and buy bleach.
2. Black - Black was still black in 2008, just not the new black. You can't get very far without black, so it will undoubtedly remain in the top five for years to come.
3. Light Blue and Dark Blue (tie) - To paraphrase an Elton John song, "I guess they call it the blues for a reason, don't they?" The Blues Brothers tied for third place for the third straight year.
4. Green - Green struck late in '08. So late, in fact, that many people didn't see it coming.
5. Light Black - Some say grey, while others say gray. I'm talking about neither. Light black is the new grey.
6. Walnut - Sure, it's a nut, but it's also a wood grain. Walnut is strong enough to easily muscle into 2009 like it ain't no thang.
7. G-in-the-D - I know what you're thinking- "oh Hunter, glow in the dark is so 1997!" This might be true, but during a few short weeks in 2008, there was a very "retro '97" thing going on.
8. Clear - Clear may never hold the top spot like it did in the 1860s, but it remains a tough player, year after year.
9. Dark Red - What a surprise! Dark red was certainly the wildcard in 2008. I started the year literally hating dark red. It's funny to see how my opinion changed over the twelve months.

Special Mention: Yellow - Keep trying, yellow. Keep trying.


Top 10 Books I Read (or thought about reading) in 2008:
(in order)
1. Labyrinths by Jorge Luis Borges - This stories were written for the way my brain works.
2. Born Standing Up by Steve Martin - A truly revealing book by my favorite comedian of all time.
3. Comedy by the Numbers by Eric Hoffman and Gary Rudoren - This book has every joke ever written!
4. A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams - Classic.
5. A Severed Head by Iris Murdoch - Who can resist a severed head!?
6. The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins - The audio book version is read by the author in a pleasing accent.
7. Stalking the Riemann Hypothesis by Dan Rockmore - You have to love math like I do.
8. Catching the Big Fish by David Lynch - Only begins to explain the genius of David Lynch.
9. Wall and Piece by Banksy - Only begins to show off the genius of Banksy.

Special Mention: Veganomicon by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero - "It's a cookbook!"

In an attempt to keep this at a reasonable length, I've omitted my personal comments from the final two "Top 10 of 2008" lists. If you're curious why I picked some of these, feel free to come up to me on the street and ask me. You have a whole year to do this, as I will be standing in the street for exactly one year.

Top 10 Things To Put On A Sandwich (and by "on" I mean "in") in 2008:
(in order to make a sandwich, you will also need bread)
1. Tempeh Bacon
2. Avocado
3. Vegenaise
4. Tomato
5. Almond Butter
6. Marmalade (preferably orange)
7. Alfalfa Sprouts
8. Tofu Salad
9. Follow Your Heart "Cheese"
10. Tortilla Chips (preferably blue)

Special Mention: Lettuce

Top 10 Albums Released in 2008:
(order in the court!)
1. She & Him - Volume One
2. Black Kids - Partie Traumatic
3. Raphael Saadiq - The Way I See It
4. Santogold - Santogold
5. Beck - Modern Guilt
6. Duffy - Rockferry
7. The Knux - Remind Me In 3 Days...
8. Darker My Love - 2
9. Elvis Costello - Momofuku
10. Kings Of Leon - Only By The Night
11. Ra Ra Riot - The Rhumb Line
12. Dan & Hunter - Dan & Hunter's Holiday EP Volume One

Special Mention: New Kids On The Block and Vanilla Ice - For attempting comebacks, against all odds.

So there you have it. 2008 is over. It's anyone's guess what will come to replace it. Check back soon for my 2009 New Year's Resolutions blog! HAPPY NEW YEAR!