Showing posts with label Jeff Garlin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jeff Garlin. Show all posts

Saturday, January 10, 2009

2009 New Year's Resolutions


Now that all my bass parts have been recorded for the upcoming AFI record, and I have finally finished watching all of the Begin Transmission video submissions, I had a chance to finish up my list of resolutions for the new year.

TRANQUIL MAMMOTH'S
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
FOR 2009

1. Blog More Often - I have a tendency to write long blogs, and that takes time. In 2009, I resolve to also write shorter, more frequent blogs as well. Sometimes a good picture is enough. Pictures = 1000 words, right?

2. Join A Celebrity Gym - Since my body is somewhere between Beaker and Bubbles De Vere (both celebrities), I naturally feel like I should join a celebrity gym where I can run on the treadmill next to people like Phil Collins and Bea Arthur. In a celebrity gym, this would be possible. I would to be able to ask Michael "Biv" Bivins or Conan O'Brien if they will spot me. "Hey Neil Patrick Harris, are you done with those 75 lb. dumbells?" I would look over when I'm on the eliptical and see David Bowie working up a sweat. George Michael, would have a fresh towel for me to borrow, and Jeff Garlin (well he should be there) would let me borrow some coins for the vending machine. On another day, I'd see the Olsen twins and Steve Martin working on their abs with one of those inflatable balls. I'd see Snoop Doggy Dogg and Stevie Wonder on the (tandem) exercycle, and the dad from Silver Spoons working those glutes. I'd also see Bruce Lee somehow. Yes, in 2009, I resolve to join a celebrity gym if only for the chance to see these people, and the many other celebrities that I haven't mentioned in my blog over the years.

3. Learn Latin

4. Quit Smocking - Before you jump at the chance to correct my typo (it's not a typo) or yell at me for smoking (I don't smoke) I'd like to send you HERE. Can you believe how many people misspell smoking? Typos bother me, but misspelled words drive me up the wall! This isn't really a resolution- or is it? In 2009, I resolve to triple spell check EVERYTHING I write, including text messages. You should too.

5. Clean Out The Spare Closet - I have a spare closet that is filled with things I couldn't possibly use. Things like The Force's Complete Discography on 12" vinyl. In 2009, I resolve to get rid of these things at any cost, even if it means selling them on ebay. Wait! That's it! In 2009, I resolve to sell a bunch of stuff on ebay! Stayed tuned for details!!

6. Go Even Greener - In 2006 we saw An Inconvenient Truth and it freaked us out. We panicked, and started recycling and carpooling, but eventually we forgot about greenhouse gasses. In 2007, the Live Earth Concerts reminded us that our carbon footprint needed to be smaller (or nonexistent) and we freaked out again. We brought our own bags to the grocery store, traded our SUVs for Priuses and even thought about solar panels, but eventually we forgot about saving the planet. In 2008, gas prices soared so high that we ditched our cars and took the bus, or the train, or a bike, or even our feet. Companies started responding to the consumers' need for "green" versions of existing products. We made more steps in the right direction, but we keep running into the same problem: when we don't notice immediate changes, we give up and our efforts fade into history. In 2009, I resolve to continue to modify my lifestyle to better preserve the planet for future generations. Going green isn't something you do once. It's not a light bulb you buy, it's a change you make in your lifestyle and in the way you think.

So that's my list. What are your resolutions for the year 2009?

****UPDATE!!!! JANUARY 10, 2009 3:40 PM****

7. Learn The Guitar Solo From Skid Row's "I Remember You" - I forgot to add this very important one. It was early and I hadn't had any coffee yet. Dave "The Snake" Sabo Scotti Hill. Pinch harmonics. Bends. Palm mutes. Hammer-ons. Pull-offs. Dives. This one has it all! In 2008, I resolved to learn the solo from Aerosmith's "Angel" and in 2009, it will be Skid Row's "I Remember You."

Monday, September 22, 2008

Hello! Hallo! Witaj! Hei! Hej! Hola! Здравствуйте! Yo!

With the majority of 2008 behind us and Autumn suddenly upon us, I'd like to take a few moments to reflect on something that most of you probably don't even think about:


Most visits, by country/territory:
1. United States
2. Canada
3. Australia
4. United Kingdom
5. Germany
6. Poland
7. Finland
8. Sweden
9. Mexico
10. New Zealand
11. Moon

If you don't see your country/territory listed above, it just means you need to encourage your friends to read this blog more. Not every country/territory can be in the coveted top 11.

Most visits, by city:
1. (not set)
2. West Hollywood
3. Perth
4. Brisbane
5. San Francisco
6. London

I don't know where "(not set)" is, so I will assume it's on the moon. I also didn't realize I had such a concentrated readership in Western Australia. [Note to my Canadian readers: If you are a bit confused about why you're #2 on the country/territory list, yet you have no cities in the top 6, it's because you are evenly (perhaps even perfectly) distributed across 120 different cities.]

Longest average time spent per visit, by country/territory:
1. Serbia (9:33!!)
2. India
3. Portugal
4. Slovakia
5. Romania

Keep in mind, when reading this blog, that there is no rush. Explore the different pictures, videos, links and prose. Let the words seep into your soul at a natural pace. The Serbians certainly have the right idea.

Fact: Readers in Costa Rica spend an average of :06 seconds reading this blog.
Apparently Costa Ricans are fast readers!

Fact: 3.6% of Tranquil Mammoth readers use dial-up.
What's up with that!? Seriously?

Fact: No one in Alaska has ever read this blog.
...which I had actually suspected for quite some time.

Check out this pie chart:
This chart tells us that 85.63% of Tranquil Mammoth's readers live in English speaking countries/territories. This is great, because I speak English! But what about the readers in the rest of the world that do NOT live in English speaking countries/territories? Tranquil Mammoth has readers all over the world and the moon! In fact, my research tells me that you guys and girls live in places where 44 different primary languages are spoken! That's a Google Analytics-verified fact!

In order to reach more readers in non-English speaking countries/territories, I have decided that I will poorly translate parts of this blog into other languages. If you only speak English, then this will give you an opportunity to learn a new language, courtesy of Tranquil Mammoth. Let's begin.

Inte detta pumpa paj ser bra ut? Hösten är min favorit tidpunkten för år. Jag älskar att titta på bladen ändra färg på träden. Har du bor på en plats där bladen ändra färg också?

Check out this pie:
N-am mai fost în România. E frumos acolo? Am cumparat recent "The Kids in the Hall" de pe DVD-ul. Te-am iubit ca show TV crescut. Stii de spectacol Sunt referindu-se la?

Finden Sie nicht auch hasse es, wenn man auf eine Tankstelle, weil Sie dringend zu urinieren, und die Toilette Schlüssel wird an einem schmutzigen Stück Holz oder ein anderes Objekt, das Sie müssen in die Toilette? Wo werden Sie es, während Sie urinieren?

ねえ、あなたが私の馬のブログを読むのですか?している場合は、実際に私はまだ考えいる"とは、 "し、今では大きなチャンスです。下にスクロール...これだけのすぐ下に1つのブログのエントリの!

O que você começa quando você atravessar uma insónias, agnóstica, e de um disléxico? Alguém que fica a noite toda me perguntando se existe um cão! -Groucho Marx ...Na verdade, eu acho piada que só funciona em Inglês. Desculpa :-/

Ik ben nieuwsgierig: Heb mijn Nederlandse lezers graag Guitar Hero of Rock Band beter? Misschien beschikt u niet spelen van videospellen. Moet ik eens Nederlandse lezers? Google Analytics suggereert dat ik er ten minste 37. Ik ben dol op het Nederlandse woord voor 'gek'.

Вы знакомы с Jeff Garlin? Я думаю, что он очень смешной. Если он когда-либо заходит на ваш район для выполнения резервных мер комедии, необходимо, чтобы вы участвуете. Я также пользуются Steve Martin огромный, но он уже не выполняет резервных мер комедии.

Check out the moon:
यह लगभग रात के भोजन का वक्त आ गया है, और मैं शाकाहारी शिकागो के लिए बाहर जा रहा हूँ शैली की गहरी पकवान pizza! यह बहुत स्वादिष्ट है! तुम मुझे ईर्ष्या.

53 6f 20 77 68 61 74 27 73 20 75 70 20 77 69 74 68 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 6f 6e 3f 20 45 76 65 72 79 74 68 69 6e 67 21 20 28 67 65 74 20 69 74 3f 29 20 41 6e 79 77 61 79 73 2e 2e 2e 43 6f 6e 67 72 61 74 73 20 6f 6e 20 6d 61 6b 69 6e 67 20 74 68 65 20 74 6f 70 20 31 31 21 20 59 6f 75 20 61 72 65 20 73 6f 6d 65 20 6f 66 20 6d 79 20 62 65 73 74 20 61 6e 64 20 6d 6f 73 74 20 64 65 76 6f 74 65 64 20 72 65 61 64 65 72 73 21 20 53 74 61 79 20 46 72 65 73 68 21 21 (since I'm not sure if people on the moon speak Hex, I also translated this into Binary.)

So there you have it, the first ever, semi-irregular, Tranquil Mammoth multi-lingual statistic blog. I hope you learned something. I know I sure did. Until next time, Goodbye! Auf Wiedersehen! Do widzenia! Näkemiin! Hejdå! Adiós! До свидания!