The Canadian Long Weekend

My dear readers, I sincerely apologize for taking so long between blog entries. With the current state of the economy, I know you guys and gals get enraged very easily and need the constant distraction that Tranquil Mammoth provides. I won't let it happen again. I've had some problems with my internet service here in Mammothland (that's where Tranq lives) and decided to finally give in and upgrade to the 2400 baud modem. Isn't she a beauty?

In other news, it was a Canadian "long weekend." I had the distinct honor of playing shakers with Tegan and Sara at three of their concerts in Los Angeles, California. They are such a great band. If for some reason you don't already own all of their albums, I suggest you stop reading right now and go purchase them! My pal Matt Sharp (of weezer and Rentals fame) joined me on the tambourine. I found a shaky (no pun intended) version of it on youtube, but the audio is horrible, so don't feel obligated to click here. It reminded me of one of those family bands, or perhaps an all-star variety show from the 1970s. Anyhow, it was a really fun weekend and I'd like to say hello to all the people that I talked to at the shows. Hello!
On a side note, I literally almost had to shave Canadian Kid In The Hall, Kevin McDonald's back in front of a few hundred people on Saturday. Weird. Weird that I'm not making this up, because that seems like something I would make up (c'mon...Bea Arthur!?), but it's 100% true.

If you're like me and you haven't already figured out what you're going to be for Halloween, now is the time to get on it! We have ten days to scrape something together! If anyone has any good ideas, let me know in the comments. When you leave it up to the last minute, you end dressing like WHAM! era George Michael, or Andrew W.K..

I'm out like a trout, but before I go, I'd like to send a shout out to Freaky-B, Fuzz Fuzz, Lil' Ridiculous, Klerpy, Lo-Blud Suge, Sh'shaun Sean, Ol' Baby, Turkey Vultch, Clawsy, and Michael Bivins.

Hello! Hallo! Witaj! Hei! Hej! Hola! Здравствуйте! Yo!

With the majority of 2008 behind us and Autumn suddenly upon us, I'd like to take a few moments to reflect on something that most of you probably don't even think about:


Most visits, by country/territory:
1. United States
2. Canada
3. Australia
4. United Kingdom
5. Germany
6. Poland
7. Finland
8. Sweden
9. Mexico
10. New Zealand
11. Moon
If you don't see your country/territory listed above, it just means you need to encourage your friends to read this blog more. Not every country/territory can be in the coveted top 11.

Most visits, by city:
1. (not set)
2. West Hollywood
3. Perth
4. Brisbane
5. San Francisco
6. London
I don't know where "(not set)" is, so I will assume it's on the moon. I also didn't realize I had such a concentrated readership in Western Australia. [Note to my Canadian readers: If you are a bit confused about why you're #2 on the country/territory list, yet you have no cities in the top 6, it's because you are evenly (perhaps even perfectly) distributed across 120 different cities.]

Longest average time spent per visit, by country/territory:
1. Serbia (9:33!!)
2. India
3. Portugal
4. Slovakia
5. Romania
Keep in mind, when reading this blog, that there is no rush. Explore the different pictures, videos, links and prose. Let the words seep into your soul at a natural pace. The Serbians certainly have the right idea.

Fact: Readers in Costa Rica spend an average of :06 seconds reading this blog.
Apparently Costa Ricans are fast readers!

Fact: 3.6% of Tranquil Mammoth readers use dial-up.
What's up with that!? Seriously?

Fact: No one in Alaska has ever read this blog.
...which I had actually suspected for quite some time.

Check out this pie chart:
This chart tells us that 85.63% of Tranquil Mammoth's readers live in English speaking countries/territories. This is great, because I speak English! But what about the readers in the rest of the world that do NOT live in English speaking countries/territories? Tranquil Mammoth has readers all over the world and the moon! In fact, my research tells me that you guys and girls live in places where 44 different primary languages are spoken! That's a Google Analytics-verified fact!

In order to reach more readers in non-English speaking countries/territories, I have decided that I will poorly translate parts of this blog into other languages. If you only speak English, then this will give you an opportunity to learn a new language, courtesy of Tranquil Mammoth. Let's begin.

Inte detta pumpa paj ser bra ut? Hösten är min favorit tidpunkten för år. Jag älskar att titta på bladen ändra färg på träden. Har du bor på en plats där bladen ändra färg också?

Check out this pie:
N-am mai fost în România. E frumos acolo? Am cumparat recent "The Kids in the Hall" de pe DVD-ul. Te-am iubit ca show TV crescut. Stii de spectacol Sunt referindu-se la?

Finden Sie nicht auch hasse es, wenn man auf eine Tankstelle, weil Sie dringend zu urinieren, und die Toilette Schlüssel wird an einem schmutzigen Stück Holz oder ein anderes Objekt, das Sie müssen in die Toilette? Wo werden Sie es, während Sie urinieren?

ねえ、あなたが私の馬のブログを読むのですか？している場合は、実際に私はまだ考えている"とは、 "し、今では大きなチャンスです。下にスクロール...これだけのすぐ下に1つのブログのエントリの！

O que você começa quando você atravessar uma insónias, agnóstica, e de um disléxico? Alguém que fica a noite toda me perguntando se existe um cão! -Groucho Marx ...Na verdade, eu acho piada que só funciona em Inglês. Desculpa :-/

Ik ben nieuwsgierig: Heb mijn Nederlandse lezers graag Guitar Hero of Rock Band beter? Misschien beschikt u niet spelen van videospellen. Moet ik eens Nederlandse lezers? Google Analytics suggereert dat ik er ten minste 37. Ik ben dol op het Nederlandse woord voor 'gek'.

Вы знакомы с Jeff Garlin? Я думаю, что он очень смешной. Если он когда-либо заходит на ваш район для выполнения резервных мер комедии, необходимо, чтобы вы участвуете. Я также пользуются Steve Martin огромный, но он уже не выполняет резервных мер комедии.

Check out the moon:
यह लगभग रात के भोजन का वक्त आ गया है, और मैं शाकाहारी शिकागो के लिए बाहर जा रहा हूँ शैली की गहरी पकवान pizza! यह बहुत स्वादिष्ट है! तुम मुझे ईर्ष्या.

53 6f 20 77 68 61 74 27 73 20 75 70 20 77 69 74 68 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 6f 6e 3f 20 45 76 65 72 79 74 68 69 6e 67 21 20 28 67 65 74 20 69 74 3f 29 20 41 6e 79 77 61 79 73 2e 2e 2e 43 6f 6e 67 72 61 74 73 20 6f 6e 20 6d 61 6b 69 6e 67 20 74 68 65 20 74 6f 70 20 31 31 21 20 59 6f 75 20 61 72 65 20 73 6f 6d 65 20 6f 66 20 6d 79 20 62 65 73 74 20 61 6e 64 20 6d 6f 73 74 20 64 65 76 6f 74 65 64 20 72 65 61 64 65 72 73 21 20 53 74 61 79 20 46 72 65 73 68 21 21 (since I'm not sure if people on the moon speak Hex, I also translated this into Binary.)

So there you have it, the first ever, semi-irregular, Tranquil Mammoth multi-lingual statistic blog. I hope you learned something. I know I sure did. Until next time, Goodbye! Auf Wiedersehen! Do widzenia! Näkemiin! Hejdå! Adiós! До свидания!