Monday, September 22, 2008

Hello! Hallo! Witaj! Hei! Hej! Hola! Здравствуйте! Yo!

With the majority of 2008 behind us and Autumn suddenly upon us, I'd like to take a few moments to reflect on something that most of you probably don't even think about:

Most visits, by country/territory:
1. United States
2. Canada
3. Australia
4. United Kingdom
5. Germany
6. Poland
7. Finland
8. Sweden
9. Mexico
10. New Zealand
11. Moon

If you don't see your country/territory listed above, it just means you need to encourage your friends to read this blog more. Not every country/territory can be in the coveted top 11.

Most visits, by city:
1. (not set)
2. West Hollywood
3. Perth
4. Brisbane
5. San Francisco
6. London

I don't know where "(not set)" is, so I will assume it's on the moon. I also didn't realize I had such a concentrated readership in Western Australia. [Note to my Canadian readers: If you are a bit confused about why you're #2 on the country/territory list, yet you have no cities in the top 6, it's because you are evenly (perhaps even perfectly) distributed across 120 different cities.]

Longest average time spent per visit, by country/territory:
1. Serbia (9:33!!)
2. India
3. Portugal
4. Slovakia
5. Romania

Keep in mind, when reading this blog, that there is no rush. Explore the different pictures, videos, links and prose. Let the words seep into your soul at a natural pace. The Serbians certainly have the right idea.

Fact: Readers in Costa Rica spend an average of :06 seconds reading this blog.
Apparently Costa Ricans are fast readers!

Fact: 3.6% of Tranquil Mammoth readers use dial-up.
What's up with that!? Seriously?

Fact: No one in Alaska has ever read this blog.
...which I had actually suspected for quite some time.

Check out this pie chart:
This chart tells us that 85.63% of Tranquil Mammoth's readers live in English speaking countries/territories. This is great, because I speak English! But what about the readers in the rest of the world that do NOT live in English speaking countries/territories? Tranquil Mammoth has readers all over the world and the moon! In fact, my research tells me that you guys and girls live in places where 44 different primary languages are spoken! That's a Google Analytics-verified fact!

In order to reach more readers in non-English speaking countries/territories, I have decided that I will poorly translate parts of this blog into other languages. If you only speak English, then this will give you an opportunity to learn a new language, courtesy of Tranquil Mammoth. Let's begin.

Inte detta pumpa paj ser bra ut? Hösten är min favorit tidpunkten för år. Jag älskar att titta på bladen ändra färg på träden. Har du bor på en plats där bladen ändra färg också?

Check out this pie:
N-am mai fost în România. E frumos acolo? Am cumparat recent "The Kids in the Hall" de pe DVD-ul. Te-am iubit ca show TV crescut. Stii de spectacol Sunt referindu-se la?

Finden Sie nicht auch hasse es, wenn man auf eine Tankstelle, weil Sie dringend zu urinieren, und die Toilette Schlüssel wird an einem schmutzigen Stück Holz oder ein anderes Objekt, das Sie müssen in die Toilette? Wo werden Sie es, während Sie urinieren?

ねえ、あなたが私の馬のブログを読むのですか?している場合は、実際に私はまだ考えいる"とは、 "し、今では大きなチャンスです。下にスクロール...これだけのすぐ下に1つのブログのエントリの!

O que você começa quando você atravessar uma insónias, agnóstica, e de um disléxico? Alguém que fica a noite toda me perguntando se existe um cão! -Groucho Marx ...Na verdade, eu acho piada que só funciona em Inglês. Desculpa :-/

Ik ben nieuwsgierig: Heb mijn Nederlandse lezers graag Guitar Hero of Rock Band beter? Misschien beschikt u niet spelen van videospellen. Moet ik eens Nederlandse lezers? Google Analytics suggereert dat ik er ten minste 37. Ik ben dol op het Nederlandse woord voor 'gek'.

Вы знакомы с Jeff Garlin? Я думаю, что он очень смешной. Если он когда-либо заходит на ваш район для выполнения резервных мер комедии, необходимо, чтобы вы участвуете. Я также пользуются Steve Martin огромный, но он уже не выполняет резервных мер комедии.

Check out the moon:
यह लगभग रात के भोजन का वक्त आ गया है, और मैं शाकाहारी शिकागो के लिए बाहर जा रहा हूँ शैली की गहरी पकवान pizza! यह बहुत स्वादिष्ट है! तुम मुझे ईर्ष्या.

53 6f 20 77 68 61 74 27 73 20 75 70 20 77 69 74 68 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 6f 6e 3f 20 45 76 65 72 79 74 68 69 6e 67 21 20 28 67 65 74 20 69 74 3f 29 20 41 6e 79 77 61 79 73 2e 2e 2e 43 6f 6e 67 72 61 74 73 20 6f 6e 20 6d 61 6b 69 6e 67 20 74 68 65 20 74 6f 70 20 31 31 21 20 59 6f 75 20 61 72 65 20 73 6f 6d 65 20 6f 66 20 6d 79 20 62 65 73 74 20 61 6e 64 20 6d 6f 73 74 20 64 65 76 6f 74 65 64 20 72 65 61 64 65 72 73 21 20 53 74 61 79 20 46 72 65 73 68 21 21 (since I'm not sure if people on the moon speak Hex, I also translated this into Binary.)

So there you have it, the first ever, semi-irregular, Tranquil Mammoth multi-lingual statistic blog. I hope you learned something. I know I sure did. Until next time, Goodbye! Auf Wiedersehen! Do widzenia! Näkemiin! Hejdå! Adiós! До свидания!


Candy said...

Yeah, first comment. ^^ So yeah, try to write more in Finnish. I'd love to see how you do that! I live in Finland and I've heard that people in other countries find it hard to learn Finnish. O.o It feel weird 'cause for me it's easy! And so is English. ^^

yasco said...

I'm in Japan. Thanks for trying to write in Japanese.

But..your Japanese is very difficult!>_<

Alekksi said...

Hej Hunter!...Serbia 9:33 here!!!Hahahahaha, I can bet that was ME!!!...You know, not many people know about AFI here, not to mention Hunter Revenge!...Anyways, you're the best!...But you already knew that...Odoh sad, ćao!

infinite_lullaby said...

How come they didn't mention Saudi Arabia? o_O

-december everyday said...

Wow, spread perfectly over 120 cities, thats just the kinda talent we have here up in Canada, oh ya! lol!

VJESCI said...

.I still think this tranquil mammoth of yours needs a name.and perhaps an entire post devoted to transvestite mammoths.

Dark Flame said...

Hola Hunter, thanks for your multi-lingual statistic blog I speak spanish (please can you writte something in spanish to) you and AFI and Hunter revenge have a lot of fans here in Mexico, and there are a lot of ppl that don't speak english but that's not a problem to love your music, and the time I spend here depends if I have to use a dicctionario to understand what you wrote maybe it's the same for other ppl, and Mexico in the 9 place it's good, cute pie, and love the moon
Te deceo un muy buen dia :)

Katherine said...

the power of that post alone has me now pregnant with little tranquil mammoth twins.

Kelly said...

Heh, the Dutch thing barely made sense. I must say I prefer Guitar Hero cause I've never tried Rock Band. Yay Dutch!

ciel said...

Well, being from the Moon and all, I am delighted to see my planet had not been left out!!!

On the moon, we've made an amazing progress and can now understand all your weird ass human languages!

Darth Vader's been by and taught us...things....

HAVOKLover4life said...

Hunter ur so kool for doing a

<3 u!!!

Fatal Kiss said...

You fucking rule Hunter. I just laughed. A lot.

pirate said...

What!? No Chinese?
As an American Born Chinese,
I am sorely disappointed.


Well, at least your Dutch
joke was funny.

YazFace said...

O_O <3

Karlye said...

It's official, you rule Hunter. This is so awesome.

Shel said...

Hunter, there are not enough words in any language to express my fondness for you!

Jimmy Adam said...

That's already some spectacular german you have there my friend! but try using one of these phrases the next time:

1. Ich möchte diesen Teppich nicht kaufen.

2. Gute Reise!

3. Können sie mir sagen wo ich eine Toilette finde?

4. Entschuldigung, sie haben eine Taube auf dem Kopf sitzen.

And there's polish:

1. ja wola tym dywan nie kupić.

2. Dobry Dziennik!

3. móc ona mi powiedzieć gdzie ja niejaka umywalnia?

4. przeproszenie , ona mieć niejaka dziki gołąb na któremu głowa siedzieć.

Languages for runaways!

as you wish said...

01001000 01100001 01101000 01100001 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100001 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110010 01110101 01101100 01100101 00101110 00100000 01000001 00101011

ThisSideUp said...

Hahahaha! OMGosh, that's pretty much one of the most epic things I've seen recently! Thanks for explaining why Canada is number 2 on the country list and not on the city list. We were really panicked about that. Of course, you realize, the Canadians might just be me and those two other guys and we just visit your blog A LOT.
We all ♥ you in Canada.

Anonymous said...

West Hollywood? What about those of us in regular Hollywood?

I, for one, am deeply saddened.

Love you lots! & thanks for the laughs.


Mary-Jean said...

Well it's official. Your German's better than mine. I still have a bit to learn.

Anonymous said...

Jajaja, maravilloso.
Dette er dansk, det var spansk.
Spansk, dangerously close to spanks!

Jason said...

44 65 61 72 20 48 75 6e 74 65 72 2c 0d 0a 57 65 20 61 72 65 20 66 69 6e 65 20 68 65 61 72 20 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 6d 6f 6f 6e 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 61 6e 6b 20 79 6f 75 20 66 6f 72 20 79 6f 75 72 20 63 6f 6e 73 69 64 65 72 61 74 69 6f 6e 20 69 6e 20 73 70 65 61 6b 69 6e 67 20 6f 75 72 20 6e 61 74 69 76 65 20 6c 61 6e 67 75 61 67 65 2e 20 49 20 68 61 64 20 74 6f 20 63 61 6c 6c 20 75 70 20 6d 79 20 66 72 69 65 6e 64 73 20 66 72 6f 6d 20 4e 65 70 74 75 6e 65 20 74 6f 20 6c 65 74 20 74 68 65 6d 20 6b 6e 6f 77 21 21 20 59 6f 75 20 41 46 49 20 62 6f 79 73 20 61 72 65 20 74 68 65 20 74 61 6c 6b 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 75 6e 69 76 65 72 73 65 20 74 68 65 73 65 20 64 61 79 73 2e 2e 2e 0d 0a 50 65 61 63 65

propelwave said...

haha love the translating into different languages, (even though i didn't understand any of the other languages) yay United States!!

helen099 said...

now i know what non-speakers of english usually feel like! i didnt' understand any of it. except the english.

where's the kudos? where's the buzz? i would leave 100 for that post, hunter. ♥

Cherol said...

That definitely just made my day better.

Brooke said...

This was so awesome! I learned moon-language! Yay moon-language and binary!


Anonymous said...

You didn't write anything in Chinese. That makes me sad. ):

I Burn Things said...

Hunter, your blog is the greatest thing since canned bread. Have you tried converting tabs into binary? or vise-versa? What secrets that would tell!!

Christa said...

yay moon people for the win! :)

ninja, please said...

hahaha, hunter you're my hero :]
i learned more in this blog than i have in all of my french class.

by the way, i got twitter the other day, and you're super entertaining! Just thought you'd ought to know :]

stella said...

Very enlightening, eh?


camilla said...

Haha, lovely translations and I do agree with your Swedish part about pumpkin pies and fall ;) Fantastic that you included the Moon too, we don't want them to feel left out, right?


Stix said...

Shit son.
And fuck yes for Perth and Brisbane. This is why Hunter Revenge should come to Australia, well, amongst other things.

Jen said...

YES! Love for the Australians (especially Western Australians) reading the blog! I knew there would be a bonus to reading your blog! Now you know how much we Aussies love you Hunter. HintHint, come to Australia soon.

Ashleigh said...

This entry is made both of awesome and win. Kudos for making such an enlightening yet hilarious blog.

Also, since when is Brisbane on the west side of Oz? Last I checked, it's the capital city of Queensland over in the east :P

Buzz Royale said...

Your German makes no sense to me. I tried to translate it back into English, to see if I get the meaning, but it only worked with the first sentence...

leongyiting said...

Wow lol, my favourite post ever.. but.. What about Chinese!

lezah said...

Yes, "what about Chinese?", as quoted from my friend leongyiting (above me).

That was solely epic; I'm still laughing and I feel a stomachache in the making. You're too rad.

I shall teach you "bye" in Chinese.


Anonymous said...

Hunter, you rule. : )
And yeah, the people on the moon too! : D
Thats been the very best blog ever.
You should learn more German and then move here!!! : DD

Bis bald,
liebste Grüße :)

Katrin said...

Oh, crap Hunter. I love this post.

I read it while I was at work and... the German part [what with me being German and all] made me laugh out loud.
That wasn't good because I was supposed to look at work related stuff, not your blog. Huh. Stupid rules.
I figured it would be a bad idea to stay at my desk because every time I considered looking at the screen, I started giggling loudly again.

I hurried down the corridor, trying to suppress laughing, but failing... and hoped to save myself on the balcony... which I failed at because there was a smoking person on the balcony.

Yeah... something about you writing "urinieren" cracks me up completely.

Katrin said...

PS: I totally got what you were saying in German...

Ines Proxima said...

Hello. I see you're not good in Japanese and German, so why not try Polish? My friends and I will be grateful!

girlisgrey said...

Well, you got the pictures, the stats and the bilingualness down. What else do you need?
Why not do a video blog! That would be awesome, because you have done it all Hunter. The russian is a bit flaky I must say, so work on that some more ;)

And yay for San Francisco! You know we here love you muchos!

- Bella

Haras said...

a argila aiken saiu do armário e eu tenho uma tartaruga em meu bolso.

Shana said...

I have a woolly mammoth stuffed animal. Thought you might want to know. :)

He is very tranquil.

dannydunlop said...

This is awesome. Especially at 6:24 am.

I am doing my best to rally Canadians in our perfectly distributed harmonious viewing of this blog.

You're welcome.

Rock on

DarkShen said...


Hey there hunter!!!

what about spanish!

you forgot that.

i mean we are in the top 11!! :D
(im mexican)
we (mexican and latinamerican people)
would love to be considered in your blog :D so if you could mention anything about us, or the concert u gave with afi here 19/20 april 2007 we would love it :D

and when are u gonna come again with the force or Hunter Revenge :D

or even with AFI :D

lovely pic yours the one on tenochtitlan :D

Here your fan, Alfonso


kate black said...

Hahahahaha Huntah!!! I love you! Poland loves you!!!! Buziaki :*

Cindy said...

Hunter - you amuse me and I have to say, those are some pretty sexy statistics!

Stephanie said...

Perhaps you should try writing an entire blog in sign language for the English speaking deaf people who cannot read. Maybe you can even sass things up by using French sign language for people who can, in fact read French. I feel it would look something like this:

"J'ai apprécié voir vous à l'événement de Gardening, Not Architecture la semaine dernière. Avoir que vous jouez était une surprise agréable."

Only with more hands.

andrea alonzo said...

so nice...of you..
and the spanish?????
remember your latin fans!!

iam said...

Russia!!! very nice ^^

Devotional Julie said...

haha im brazilian and couldnt understand part of it but i guess the joke really only works in english cus i didnt get it
just call me for private lessons ;]

Afonya said...

Ha ha ha xDDD
You can`t even imagine what you`ve said in Russian xDDDD I laughed a lot))))


Emelie said...

You, my dear sir, deserve epic-win-hero-status. You rule.

And, yes, that pumpkinpie looks great, and fall is indeed a great time of year. The trees lost their colours fast this year though. Five days ago every tree was green, and now there's barely a leaf left.

/One of the Swedes.

punk in writing said...

Kick-ass post. My dear Hunter, you have outdone yourself.

SmokeMonsterNomNomNom said...

I'm not certain, but I do srsly think they speak binary code on the Moon.

I wish I was this funny. lol.

eMMe said...

now that was an intense blog!!! i <3 it

Hyro said...

¬¬ dark flame, even writing in spanish you have bad spelling.

Bueno, no mas rodeos, hola hunter? me parece raro que no hayas escrito en español, porque por lo menos méxico está en la lista de los paises que más leen tu blog... yo soy de colombia, y pues en latinoamerica hay bastantes fans de AFI, aunque no se de muchos que conoscan Hunter Revenge... deberían hacer un tour por latinoamerica que no sea solo México...

Es más, por ahí hay un blog de AFI de un chico de bolivia...

Bueno, te deseo la mejor de las suertes!

Anonymous said...

know what, hunter?

I managed to read the dutch part, and after several tryings also the german part. (i cant speak dutch, actually.ôO)
in other words:
you could also have become language teacher, because you probably taught me more than i learned in the last 4 years in classes. ôO
But you're way better placed in music, though.. Really!!!

much love

Straight To Hell said...

Uh...I want pie now.

awokennightmare said...

Oh.. wow. I never knew Google had a feature like that. Originally I thought you had made one of those trick posts. So I actually googled it. Sad I know.

Go Canada!

Anonymous said...

We're having full moon today, (time differnece- wtf.) and yeah, really looks like yours. :)

Oh and dont die away... The world needs you!

E. Malibu said...

Yeah the Aussies love you... in conclusion come and play here. We did T&S PR and we would totally help you out. (Not talking you into it am I?...) I did however note that there were Australian colloquialisms included in your blog, so you really need to work on that for next time because we can get confused with all the syllables and whatnot.

I am also very impressed with the horse blog. The Equus Caballus deserve much praise and discussion and I look forward to version 2.0.

Amber said...

That is SOO funny. You never cease to amaze me.

For the record, I live in Dallas, and every time I visit, which is about three times a week, I read the entire thing through just in case I miss something. So that's like, ten minutes...

Vief said...

[sorry I only now read this old post, but it's just awesome]

My inner fangirl always does an inner dance whenever "number 2" is used [for some reason my computer thinks my keyboard is british so my number sign is gone] - so seeing that image I have in my mind of "number 2" become a real image, the inner fangirl was dancing like crazy! She likes to dance, thanks for that!

Also, we don't have Rock Band here but I loooove GH3 and can't wait for GH4 [with the other mr Barker].
Oh, and I'm from Belgium by the way.
Kudos again!

hlaoroo said...

日本語をはにしますか? すごいね! あたしは二年から日本語をはなします、 でもじょうずじゃありません。 よくべんきょうしません。 あたしはわるい学生ですね。。。

In the Japanese part, why are you talking about horses (馬)? Is that supposed to be mammoth? I don't think there's an actual Japanese word for mammoth, so they katakanize the word 'mammoth', which is this "マンモス" which basically is pronounced 'manmosu'.

hlaoroo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
hlaoroo said...

I totally just realized you were talking about the horse post from before! It makes a lot of sense now, haha! And it's awesome that you posted a message in different languages, by the way! do you know/are you fluent in any language besides English?

Anonymous said...

I love the solar system. It is shocking because I seem like the biggest retard in the world; and yet; I'm not. The moon is so beautiful. The day can be unreal and horrible; but when the sky is dark; and the moon is out; oh the sight...
I like the picture of the moon you have up. I have seen that picture before.
blah blah
Have a wicked night.
God bless