A few weeks ago, I was at a Blockbuster, looking for a used copy of Saw II
to purchase, when a man entered the store in a slightly aggressive manner. I immediately thought, "What would I do if this guy pulled out a gun? Would I duck behind the 4-for-$20 table? Would I bust a roundhouse and kick the gun from his hand? Would I scream like a man?"I didn't really answer myself, and before I could question any further, the man walked past me and started looking at DVDs. Then my mind really started to wander, and wonder... What is the crime rate for this neighborhood? What kind of people shop at this Blockbuster? What day of the week is statistically the most likely day for a Blockbuster to get robbed?
This was a Thursday. I started to really dig into the used DVDs in the back of the store. Miley Cyrus
was on the TV monitors. Finally I found Saw II
and another gem, Blades of Glory.
Suddenly my shopping trance was broken by the sound of pounding on the exit door across the store. Four cops were outside trying to get in. An employee unlocked the door to let them in. Wait a second...why was the exit locked!? What did the cops want? To pre-order The Dark Knight on Blu-ray?
Then I overheard people saying that Blockbuster had just been robbed! Yes, dear readers, the very Blockbuster I was in had just been robbed at gunpoint by the very man that I was suspicious of in the first sentence of this story...and I missed the whole thing!
A few customers (eye witnesses) were selected and pulled aside for questioning. I decided to take my two DVDs and leave (after paying with plastic since their cash drawer was empty) the scene of the crime. More cops and a camera crew showed up as I was leaving. A rat crossed the parking lot. As I was driving home, I decided that I had subconsciously willed the man to rob Blockbuster. Sure, he had a gun with him when he entered the store, but perhaps he had no intentions of pulling it out. Peradventure he just wanted to pick up Dexter - season one, disc 2
and some Sour Patch Kids...
until he came into contact with the formidable powers of my mind! Later I tried to consciously will him to deliver a burrito and some vegan ice cream to my front door, but it didn't work.If you think you, your friends and your talking dog have what it takes to solve crimes in the Los Angeles area, jump in your psychedelic van and visit: Solve a Crime - the official website of the Los Angeles police department.
