Friday, December 5, 2008

'Tis the season for crime!

A few weeks ago, I was at a Blockbuster, looking for a used copy of Saw IIto purchase, when a man entered the store in a slightly aggressive manner. I immediately thought,
"What would I do if this guy pulled out a gun? Would I duck behind the 4-for-$20 table? Would I bust a roundhouse and kick the gun from his hand? Would I scream like a man?"
I didn't really answer myself, and before I could question any further, the man walked past me and started looking at DVDs. Then my mind really started to wander, and wonder... What is the crime rate for this neighborhood? What kind of people shop at this Blockbuster? What day of the week is statistically the most likely day for a Blockbuster to get robbed?This was a Thursday. I started to really dig into the used DVDs in the back of the store. Miley Cyruswas on the TV monitors. Finally I found Saw IIand another gem, Blades of Glory.Suddenly my shopping trance was broken by the sound of pounding on the exit door across the store. Four cops were outside trying to get in. An employee unlocked the door to let them in. Wait a second...why was the exit locked!? What did the cops want? To pre-order The Dark Knight on Blu-ray?Then I overheard people saying that Blockbuster had just been robbed! Yes, dear readers, the very Blockbuster I was in had just been robbed at gunpoint by the very man that I was suspicious of in the first sentence of this story...and I missed the whole thing!

A few customers (eye witnesses) were selected and pulled aside for questioning. I decided to take my two DVDs and leave (after paying with plastic since their cash drawer was empty) the scene of the crime. More cops and a camera crew showed up as I was leaving. A rat crossed the parking lot. As I was driving home, I decided that I had subconsciously willed the man to rob Blockbuster. Sure, he had a gun with him when he entered the store, but perhaps he had no intentions of pulling it out. Peradventure he just wanted to pick up Dexter - season one, disc 2and some Sour Patch Kids...until he came into contact with the formidable powers of my mind! Later I tried to consciously will him to deliver a burrito and some vegan ice cream to my front door, but it didn't work.

If you think you, your friends and your talking dog have what it takes to solve crimes in the Los Angeles area, jump in your psychedelic van and visit: Solve a Crime - the official website of the Los Angeles police department.

39 comments:

Mr. Heater said...

Sounds like a lot of excitement, haha.

I think Scooby-doo is to old now to go on the trip to LA, pity.

Agent Muffin said...

haha the blockbuster in my city is so boring. LA blockbusters are definately more exciting..

hmm
any album updates?!

Straight To Hell said...

Don't lie, you were his accomplice weren't you? You locked the exit and then started rifling through the dvd's and 'didn't know' Blockbuster was just robbed right under your nose.

I'm on to you ;)

dannydunlop said...

Sounds rather boring for such an exciting thing. Does that even make sense? What do I care, you made me say it.

Rock on and don't play with guns.
<3Roy

Unless it's this one.
http://pics.livejournal.com/hetzz/pic/00001tbx/s640x480

Jason said...

Oh, how I've waited to hear more about that night!

hahaitslacey said...

I would have chosen the roundhouse move.
But you're alive, so you made the right choice, obviously. hah

Nicholas May said...

LOL. you're ridiculous.

lgfuad said...

Holy crap! scary! O_O
I love Blades of Glory also. I love Nick Swardson, he's the only reason the Reno 911 movie was decently watchable. Be Safe Hunter B.
-adrienne

vox vampirica said...

I am so glad you and your copy of Blades of Glory are okay. I would have been heartbroken should anything have happened to that lovely DVD.

Please stay out of Blockbusta. We don't want anything to happen to you.

Cherol said...

I'd say that the roundhouse kick would be a bad idea, but it seems your mind powers are very strong.
I'm glad that nothing terribly bad happened.
Can you will someone to put every season of Just Shoot Me on DVD?
Please and thanks.

Jessus said...

I LOVE THE LINK OF YOURSELF, HAHAHAHAH.

Also
"Would I scream like a man?"
I laughed out loud.

That's quite the experience you had there Hunter.

Jacks1234 said...

HAHA, I remember getting that update from Twitter, cause I was in a blockbuster. My friends had never seen Nightmare before x-mas... but i was like whoa! This is cool! lol
You should really stop using your mind superpowers for.... evil? lol
Although it funny that you missed it all... even in the midst of danger you still all level headed and shit, swave! lmao

Alexander said...

I'll find him.

I'm Batman.

lezah said...

Well at least you got off fine. Sorry that you couldn't get your vegan ice cream and burrito though. How on earth did you manage to notice a rat cross the parking lot?! You have sharp eyes.

Christa said...

yeah, Blockbuster would the first stop on my list of places to rob.
Too bad this mind control does not extend to burritos. That would be pretty freaking sweet. Actually, Dexter and sour patch kids wouldn't be bad either. :)

MJ said...

I knew you had insane telepathy skills from the moment I laid eyes on you!

KD [X] said...

Dang that's some crazy stuff. The only thing interesting that ever happened to me at blockbuster was some guy didn't charge me for my movie...i think he thought i was cute...i wasn't interested..haha..but i got a free movie!

Cecilia said...

Your narration is fantastic, sir.

camilla said...

At least you still got your movies! :)

... But damn, such exciting things never happen around here.

Amanda said...

You have the ability to make anything funny. You are also a great narrator. You should look into doing children's stories.

I'm glad you escaped unhurt, with movies no less!

girlisgrey said...

haha yes, all he wanted was Sour Patch Kids! I love those things. Crazy story Hunter, I'm glad you're ok!!!!!

ciel said...

Man, I don't get why anyone would rob a blockbuster or say, a grocery store, I mean think about it, there's not that much money.

Rob banks not stores, people! Not that I'm encouraging this criminal behaviour but it just makes more sense.

Karlye said...

This is probably the best (and funniest might I add) description of a crime that I have ever heard. You might need to work with your mind control a bit more, Hunter. Not every aggresive man you see should be willed to rob the closest store!

But I'm glad you're okay, it could have been much worse.

Nika said...

This was funny, but I'm glad you're ok,Hunt.
You should seriously keep those mind powers of yours under control!
Too bad there wasn't any burritos for ya.DX
-Nika

Ashleigh said...

Given the options, I think being well out of the way was the best one to go with. It may not be exciting, but it's (generally) safer. Good to hear that you're all in one piece.

Áine Caitríona said...

1. You would scream. Possibly whimper a little. It's OK. We all would.

2. It was probably the Hannah Montana montage that tipped him over the edge. Actually, I'm surprised the employees weren't the ones cockin' their fitties. (Yeah, I said it.)

3. I'm not really sure why, but it seems strange to me that, in spite of the gunpoint robbery, you still bought your DVDs and left. It seems kind of callous. Or maybe sensible. Los Angelites are apparently even more desensitised than I thought.

Emme said...

OMG!!! that is just tooo weird and funny because that happened to the gas station i was at the other night. just minding my business as i filled up on my Big Gulp. doing the la la land thing then i turned to see the cops "oh wait cops are here, why?"

impure0purest said...

Wow.. I think you're now my favourite person ever..
-Dom

ps. Saw II.. I've been watching Sream Queens.. Have YOU??
If you don't know what that is... it's the ultimate reality show quest for the best actress in t3h 3nt1r3 w0rldzz!!!!!!... They need to find her so she can be in the next Saw movie. Srsly, if this doesn't work out, the planet will explode.

You should watch the finale this Sunday... I'm gonna. :)

Midnight Angel said...

Hunter is to Damn funny!!!Love you Hunter Butter,lol!!!

Midnight Angel said...

I love all Saw's,but I only have 1 and 2.I hope to get all of them.Hunter let's go see a movie together.Your to damn funny!!!Hunter is my butter!!!

http://afireinside4life.ning.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AFI4Life

Come see us,we are waiting!!!

sam_whinston@yahoo.com said...

LOL your picture of yourself was hillarious!

stelle said...

aha wow
i cant believe you missed it

ThisSideUp said...

How do you miss something like that? Wow, Hunter, you spend more time in LaLa Land than I do... I confess that had I been in that situation, the most frightening part would have been the rat. Can't handle them. Ick.

cilliii said...

Wow, sounds exciting!
You maybe should try to make him bring you the vegan ice cream once again, because that man probably was still in trouble with police when you tried it before, so he couldnt get you some.
Furthermore you should try your mental skills on the people that are next to you, because it might be more difficult to use them on persons that are a longer way off.

I am happy you're allright, though, because it would be a irreplacable bereavement if this wouldnt have been the case...

Love you
<333

TattedDoll said...

Wow, i wish the blockbuster here had that much excitement. sounds both awesoma and scary.

RosesAreBlue said...

SCOOBY-DOO! I LOVED -- AND STILL LOVE THAT SHOW!! Ahem, and I'm sorry that you missed my total kickass royal heist of Blockbuster. And I didn't look that bad in the mask, did I?

This Girl said...

I love the extra links that are in your blog. They keep me entertained as I read through your exciting encounter with the would be robber.
:D

Andrea Alonzo said...

probably was all because your mind....!
so powefull hunt..

Amarantos Everlasting said...

You're fucking nuts.
...and to repeat myself again, I LOVE YOU.