Midnight Update!

I've noticed that because I update so much on Twitter, I haven't been including much about what I've been up to in my blog entries. Subconsciously I'm trying to avoid being redundant, but I guess there's no shame in redundancy. I mean, after all, it's the internet; it's already redundant!

Here are 12 FACTS about what I've been up to lately:
(in no particular order)

FACT 1: I have been appointed as Vegan Ambassador for Macbeth Footwear. Read about it here, and here. Also, check out some pictures that Ryan Russell took of me here.

FACT 2: I had a "white" x-mas, meaning that huge snow flakes were falling from the sky when I woke up on December 25, 2008. I was in Grass Valley, and in Grass Valley that kind of weather is not unheard of, or undreamt of.

FACT 3: AFI played KROQ's "Almost Acoustic Christmas" on December 13, 2008. On our final song, "Love Like Winter," I mashed my knee up. I have since recovered.

FACT 4: I saw The Cure play at the Troubador on December 13, and at the Gibson Arena on December 14, both 2008. I love The Cure. I finally met Robert.

FACT 5: Hunter Revenge played at Cinespace on December 21, 2008. Since my usual keyboardist, Dan Kelly, was unable to play (due some sort of family reunion), I had, for the first time ever, two keyboardists on stage to replace him. Missed it? Come see Hunter Revenge play Cinespace AGAIN on February 1, 2009. I'll provide more information about this in the future.

FACT 6: I grew a "holiday beard" and eventually shaved that damn thing off. Beards are for Rip Van Winkles.

FACT 7: I did not get engaged. Google it.

FACT 8: I have a new shoe coming out in February, 2009. It's called "The Hunter" and is 100% vegan. It's also 10,000,000% awesome. Take a look at it here before you order 6 pairs. Yes, the shoes are bulletproof. No, I haven't actually tested them against bullets. Would you like to? "For this next trick I'll need a volunteer from the audience..."

FACT 9: While in the studio, working on AFI's eighth studio album, I recorded twelve tracks of bass on a single song. That being said, I feel I must clarify that at most, there are no more than three distinct performances at any given moment in the song. Also, technically three of the tracks are baritone guitar, doubling my bass line. I still think this qualifies me for some type of award. Excessive Bassist of the Year?

FACT 10: Speaking of awards, I was successfully nominated for two Shorty Awards. One of the categories (#awesome) isn't an official category, but still quite awesome. Go vote for me in the other category, #music: http://shortyawards.com/user/TranquilMammoth I need your votes to win! Voting ends January 23, 2009.

FACT 11: Joe Principe (of Rise Against fame) and I are having a conversation right now about how to make bass the "it" instrument for 2009. Kids all over the world should (and will) want to play bass above all other instruments. Ever hear of Bass Hero™? Well maybe somebody will invent that once they catch on to what's happening.

If you're asking yourself, "Where's the 12th fact, Hunter?" then I'm asking you this: Why are you calling yourself Hunter? Is it your name too? (I'll admit that Hunter is a pretty strange name to call yourself, even if it IS your name.) The answer is this: In 2009, numbers don't matter as much as they did in 2008. Think way back to the baker's dozen. I'm not sure what year that was invented, but I can tell you that twelve equalled thirteen that year! Be happy with eleven.

Now quit reading this and go give blood!

2009 New Year's Resolutions

Now that all my bass parts have been recorded for the upcoming AFI record, and I have finally finished watching all of the Begin Transmission video submissions, I had a chance to finish up my list of resolutions for the new year.

TRANQUIL MAMMOTH'S
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
FOR 2009
1. Blog More Often - I have a tendency to write long blogs, and that takes time. In 2009, I resolve to also write shorter, more frequent blogs as well. Sometimes a good picture is enough. Pictures = 1000 words, right?

2. Join A Celebrity Gym - Since my body is somewhere between Beaker and Bubbles De Vere (both celebrities), I naturally feel like I should join a celebrity gym where I can run on the treadmill next to people like Phil Collins and Bea Arthur. In a celebrity gym, this would be possible. I would to be able to ask Michael "Biv" Bivins or Conan O'Brien if they will spot me. "Hey Neil Patrick Harris, are you done with those 75 lb. dumbells?" I would look over when I'm on the eliptical and see David Bowie working up a sweat. George Michael, would have a fresh towel for me to borrow, and Jeff Garlin (well he should be there) would let me borrow some coins for the vending machine. On another day, I'd see the Olsen twins and Steve Martin working on their abs with one of those inflatable balls. I'd see Snoop Doggy Dogg and Stevie Wonder on the (tandem) exercycle, and the dad from Silver Spoons working those glutes. I'd also see Bruce Lee somehow. Yes, in 2009, I resolve to join a celebrity gym if only for the chance to see these people, and the many other celebrities that I haven't mentioned in my blog over the years.

3. Learn Latin

4. Quit Smocking - Before you jump at the chance to correct my typo (it's not a typo) or yell at me for smoking (I don't smoke) I'd like to send you HERE. Can you believe how many people misspell smoking? Typos bother me, but misspelled words drive me up the wall! This isn't really a resolution- or is it? In 2009, I resolve to triple spell check EVERYTHING I write, including text messages. You should too.

5. Clean Out The Spare Closet - I have a spare closet that is filled with things I couldn't possibly use. Things like The Force's Complete Discography on 12" vinyl. In 2009, I resolve to get rid of these things at any cost, even if it means selling them on ebay. Wait! That's it! In 2009, I resolve to sell a bunch of stuff on ebay! Stayed tuned for details!!

6. Go Even Greener - In 2006 we saw An Inconvenient Truth and it freaked us out. We panicked, and started recycling and carpooling, but eventually we forgot about greenhouse gasses. In 2007, the Live Earth Concerts reminded us that our carbon footprint needed to be smaller (or nonexistent) and we freaked out again. We brought our own bags to the grocery store, traded our SUVs for Priuses and even thought about solar panels, but eventually we forgot about saving the planet. In 2008, gas prices soared so high that we ditched our cars and took the bus, or the train, or a bike, or even our feet. Companies started responding to the consumers' need for "green" versions of existing products. We made more steps in the right direction, but we keep running into the same problem: when we don't notice immediate changes, we give up and our efforts fade into history. In 2009, I resolve to continue to modify my lifestyle to better preserve the planet for future generations. Going green isn't something you do once. It's not a light bulb you buy, it's a change you make in your lifestyle and in the way you think.

So that's my list. What are your resolutions for the year 2009?

****UPDATE!!!! JANUARY 10, 2009 3:40 PM****
7. Learn The Guitar Solo From Skid Row's "I Remember You" - I forgot to add this very important one. It was early and I hadn't had any coffee yet. Dave "The Snake" Sabo Scotti Hill. Pinch harmonics. Bends. Palm mutes. Hammer-ons. Pull-offs. Dives. This one has it all! In 2008, I resolved to learn the solo from Aerosmith's "Angel" and in 2009, it will be Skid Row's "I Remember You."

Animal Fighting - the blog

While trying to make a list of New Year's Resolutions, I decided to waste time with a completely unrelated list.

Five Animals I Wouldn't Want To Fight
(and how I would fight them if I had to)
Before I begin, I'd like to stress that as a vegan and animal lover, there are almost no circumstances under which I would ever harm a living creature. The following situations and techniques are for the exception to that rule. These are to be assumed as "life or death" situations.


1. Grizzly Bear - Since most bears can outrun any human (even Carl Lewis) and they typically disembowel their victims, the key to fighting a grizzly bear is to distract it, then incapacitate it. To distract it, I would employ the use of a laser. No laser pointer or laser sight is enough to do the trick, however. I'm talking about a laser light show. Pink Floyd style. I seem to recall seeing a travel size version of this at Guitar Center. Don't correct me if I'm wrong. Once the bear is distracted, I would knock it on the head with a bowling ball. A 14 lb. ball (or heavier) will do the trick. Don't go into battle with one of those hot pink 8 lb. balls they have at the bowling alley unless you want your guts spread all around the forest. One or two hits to the head should be enough to render the bear unconscious. Remember, I'm not trying to kill the poor creature, just protect myself from imminent death.


2. Shark - Once a shark gets a taste of your blood, it will eat you. That's just a fact. Make a note to never serve hors d'oeuvres made from your own blood at a party that sharks will be attending. Since the vast majority of shark fights take place underwater, let's assume that for my shark fight, I'm also underwater. Let's also assume that I'm wearing military grade scuba gear. The gear would of course be state of the art and I would look really good wearing it (I'm hoping I will get some sort of scuba gear sponsorship out of this.) Now on to the fight. Sharks are just mouths that can swim, but those mouths are filled with thousands of razor sharp teeth. I imagine that (once again, don't correct me if I'm wrong) with enough peanut butter, you could make the shark's mouth stick together. It would take more than just a jar of Skippy and a spoon though. I would need something that sprays a high volume of peanut butter at a high velocity underwater. We'll call this device the Peanut Blaster™. (If any food-weaponry companies out there want to manufacture the Peanut Blaster™, get in touch with my lawyer and we'll work something out. I have detailed schematics in my head.) A shark fight is that simple. I'll blast the shark in the mouth with the Peanut Blaster™ set to "stun" and then swim away in my new scuba gear.


3. Tyrannosaurus Rex - Fighting a T. Rex requires encountering one, and that requires owning a time machine, which I do. However, I think this unique set of circumstances raises the question, "Why fight a T. Rex when you could just travel to a time of obvious safety instead?" Normally I would do just that, travel forward or backward through time to avoid a T. Rex fight. But what if the time machine was damaged by a clumsy Diplodocus? I would have no other choice than to fight a T. Rex if cornered. Since T. Rexes' teeth can crush bone, and they have binocular vision, comparable or better than modern hawks, I would have to avoid being seen in order to avoid being eaten. I would quickly dress in camouflage to avoid being seen. I prefer pink and grey camouflage if available, since it's a fact that all dinosaurs are color blind (okay, it's not a fact, it's my theory.) Then I would sneak up behind the T. Rex and, with a jack hammer, break one of his tibias before he is able to turn around. T. Rexes are notoriously slow at turning around. Hopefully this would buy enough time to fix my time machine. If not, I would resort to blinding him with the Peanut Blaster™.


4. Lion - Lions are the rightful kings of the jungle, and I would never attempt to fight a king in his own kingdom. So let's just say, for the sake of this blog, that the lion is in my kitchen. Normally I would use a similar technique for lions, tigers and bears- the laser/bowling ball combo. Since you've already heard me explain that one, I'll illustrate another technique. I call this one Plan B. Plan B consists of two things: 1. The element of surprise, and 2. Piping hot soup. I always keep a a large (but light-weight) cauldron of piping hot soup in my kitchen, usually split pea, or some type of vegan bisque. In order to surprise the lion, I will need to do something it would never expect. First I would turn my stereo on full blast. Lenny Kravitz's "Are You Gonna Go My Way?" is the song of choice when fighting lions. The intensity of Lenny's guitar riff during the intro might be enough to surprise the lion, but I wouldn't stop there. Next I would turn off all the lights except for the strobe light above the stove. While the lion is recovering from this confusing change of scene, I would knock over the cauldron of soup, effectively covering the floor, making it hot and slippery. Finally, I would swing down from atop the fridge on a rope made of hemp and kick the lion back into a pit. If you're going to try this technique at home (which I highly recommend) you may want to dig a pit in your kitchen like I have. Taking care of this in advance will ensure that you are ready for almost any wild mammal attacks in your home. I have covered my pit with a few leafy branches and most days I don't even notice it.


5. Cobra - Can you outrun a cobra? My guess is no. Even if you're fast, eventually you may have to fight a cobra. Here's what I would do if I had to fight one. First I would check to see if it's a spitting cobra. Spitting (like yawning) is contagious. Pay close attention to the dugout at a professional baseball game for an example of this phenomenon. If I spit over to my right and the cobra does nothing, I know it's safe to approach with a hockey stick covered in molasses. Cobras love molasses (as always, don't correct me if I'm wrong) and will be trying to lick the hockey stick the whole time I'm pummeling the poor creature. Case closed. However, if I spit over to the right and the cobra spits over to its right, I know I've got a spitting cobra on my hands and all bets are off. The Peanut Blaster™ is useless against snakes, as are most soups and strobes. Lasers are mildly effective, but require precise positioning, which is often hard to do with little or no time in such a stressful situation. Your best bet, and what I would do, is quickly build a fire. Snakes hate fire (as demonstrated in Indiana Jones films) and will either retreat to look for supplies to make smores, or become aggressively hostile. If the latter is the case, I would let the cobra chase me into a hall of mirrors. Cobras may be deadly, but they're not that smart. I'm sure I could trick the cobra into attacking my reflection enough times that it would eventually grow weary and give up.

Hopefully we will all be lucky enough to never have to fight these animals. Normally this is where you would find a legal disclaimer, warning you to never fight animals and to never use my techniques. You'll find no disclaimer here, just this warning: If you happen to find yourself face to face with one of these formidable creatures and DO NOT use my techniques, you're as good as dead, and I will not visit your grave!

Goodbye 2008! Hello "Top 10" lists!

With the very predictable end of 2008 comes the very unpredictable "TOP 10 of 2008" lists by yours truly, Hunter Burgan.

Top 10 Films I Saw in 2008:
(in no alphabetical order)
1. The Dark Knight - Sure, Heath Ledger was great, but let's not overlook the ridiculous undertaking of using mostly practical effects! and filming in IMAX!? Christopher Nolan is a genius. This is how Batman is supposed to be. Christian Bale is great too.
2. Step Brothers - This film was a test to see how long you can run with a pretty stupid premise before it becomes boring or played out. Will Farrell and John C. Reilly pass this test with flying colors!
3. Burn After Reading - A fun romp of a dark comedy with great characters, as usual. The Coen Brothers are a team that I'd like to be a part of, somehow. Can we make this happen?
4. Cloverfield - I thought this film was really cleverly written. The "found video camera" storytelling format is probably one of the hardest formats to write for that I can think of right now. Perhaps writing an upbeat animated adventure about genocide would be harder.
5. Son of Rambow - This film reminds me of myself when I was younger. I was always making epic movies with my parents' video camera.
6. The Fall - The visuals are STUNNING, and the little girl is so cute.
7. Flash of Genius - Greg Kinnear is really good in this one. It's such a frustrating story...even now, thinking back, it's mildly upsetting.
8. Milk - Destined to be a classic film. Certainly one of the best of the best of the best. If you haven't seen it, go see it right now!
9. Synecdoche, New York - This film was a real mindf*ck. I love movies that challenge the way we watch movies. Thoughts of this film seep into my life everyday.
10. Role Models - I thought this film was going to suck in a "cream of the crap" kind of way, but it ended up being legitimately good. Who knew?!
11. The Wrestler - Mickey Rourke was born to play this part...well maybe he was born to be a baby, and then many many years later play this part. What brilliant gem will Darren Aronofsky throw at us next? A remake of Robocop??
12. Foot Fist Way - I thought the book was so good, that there was no way the film could deliver the goods. I was wrong.

Special Mention: Baghead - If you're a fan of the Duplass Brothers' The Puffy Chair, you should check out Baghead. I'm not certain that this film hit that many theatres, but it was a real treat to see it with the Brothers Duplass hosting a Q&A afterwards.


Top 10 Colors in 2008:
(in order to plan your wardrobe for the next 2008)
1. White - White was the new black in 2008. I can't explain it. It just happened, and suddenly I had to go out and buy bleach.
2. Black - Black was still black in 2008, just not the new black. You can't get very far without black, so it will undoubtedly remain in the top five for years to come.
3. Light Blue and Dark Blue (tie) - To paraphrase an Elton John song, "I guess they call it the blues for a reason, don't they?" The Blues Brothers tied for third place for the third straight year.
4. Green - Green struck late in '08. So late, in fact, that many people didn't see it coming.
5. Light Black - Some say grey, while others say gray. I'm talking about neither. Light black is the new grey.
6. Walnut - Sure, it's a nut, but it's also a wood grain. Walnut is strong enough to easily muscle into 2009 like it ain't no thang.
7. G-in-the-D - I know what you're thinking- "oh Hunter, glow in the dark is so 1997!" This might be true, but during a few short weeks in 2008, there was a very "retro '97" thing going on.
8. Clear - Clear may never hold the top spot like it did in the 1860s, but it remains a tough player, year after year.
9. Dark Red - What a surprise! Dark red was certainly the wildcard in 2008. I started the year literally hating dark red. It's funny to see how my opinion changed over the twelve months.

Special Mention: Yellow - Keep trying, yellow. Keep trying.


Top 10 Books I Read (or thought about reading) in 2008:
(in order)
1. Labyrinths by Jorge Luis Borges - This stories were written for the way my brain works.
2. Born Standing Up by Steve Martin - A truly revealing book by my favorite comedian of all time.
3. Comedy by the Numbers by Eric Hoffman and Gary Rudoren - This book has every joke ever written!
4. A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams - Classic.
5. A Severed Head by Iris Murdoch - Who can resist a severed head!?
6. The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins - The audio book version is read by the author in a pleasing accent.
7. Stalking the Riemann Hypothesis by Dan Rockmore - You have to love math like I do.
8. Catching the Big Fish by David Lynch - Only begins to explain the genius of David Lynch.
9. Wall and Piece by Banksy - Only begins to show off the genius of Banksy.

Special Mention: Veganomicon by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero - "It's a cookbook!"

In an attempt to keep this at a reasonable length, I've omitted my personal comments from the final two "Top 10 of 2008" lists. If you're curious why I picked some of these, feel free to come up to me on the street and ask me. You have a whole year to do this, as I will be standing in the street for exactly one year.

Top 10 Things To Put On A Sandwich (and by "on" I mean "in") in 2008:
(in order to make a sandwich, you will also need bread)
1. Tempeh Bacon
2. Avocado
3. Vegenaise
4. Tomato
5. Almond Butter
6. Marmalade (preferably orange)
7. Alfalfa Sprouts
8. Tofu Salad
9. Follow Your Heart "Cheese"
10. Tortilla Chips (preferably blue)

Special Mention: Lettuce

Top 10 Albums Released in 2008:
(order in the court!)
1. She & Him - Volume One
2. Black Kids - Partie Traumatic
3. Raphael Saadiq - The Way I See It
4. Santogold - Santogold
5. Beck - Modern Guilt
6. Duffy - Rockferry
7. The Knux - Remind Me In 3 Days...
8. Darker My Love - 2
9. Elvis Costello - Momofuku
10. Kings Of Leon - Only By The Night
11. Ra Ra Riot - The Rhumb Line
12. Dan & Hunter - Dan & Hunter's Holiday EP Volume One

Special Mention: New Kids On The Block and Vanilla Ice - For attempting comebacks, against all odds.

So there you have it. 2008 is over. It's anyone's guess what will come to replace it. Check back soon for my 2009 New Year's Resolutions blog! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Psychedelic Photos!

Psychedelic Photos by Hunter Burgan

Finally, as promised, I present to you the Psychedelic Photo blog. Some of you (the less patient folks) have been awake for consecutive days, tearing your hair out, waiting for this blog. Those of you (like me) who have hair that is too short to tug at have been growing beards in feverish anticipation. Those of you who have shorn heads and no natural ability to grow facial hair have been allowing your eyes to naturally bleed transparent blood that I like to call "tears", maddened by the maddening madness that is expectation. Now it's time to pick up your hair, shave your faces, grab a kleenex, take a bunch of drugs* and get psychedelic!

The photo album above (go ahead, click on it) is a collection of photos taken by my psychedelic iPhone between May 1968 and December 2008. Back in May, my phone decided that some of the photos I take will randomly be psychedelic. I couldn't agrue because that is not a word. Some of these photos appear to be taken in the Matrix, whereas some of them appear to be taken just after an apocalyptic H-bomb detonation. Some of these picture might give you a strange and pleasant sensation in your spine, while others might give you life long nightmares that haunt your waking dreams.

I'll leave you with this food for thought whilst you peruse my psychedelic photos. As one of the forefathers of psychedelia, author Aldous Huxley, may or may not have said,

"And it seems to me perfectly in the cards that there will be within the next generation or so a pharmacological method of making people love their servitude, and producing ... a kind of painless concentration camp for entire societies, so that people will in fact have their liberties taken away from them but will rather enjoy it, because they will be distracted from any desire to rebel by propaganda, brainwashing, or brainwashing enhanced by pharmacological methods."

*Drug use is not condoned nor advised by the author, Hunter Burgan. Furthermore, drug use will not be necessary to understand or appreciate the beauty or meaning of the photos showcased in this blog. The author, Hunter Burgan, does not use drugs, but rather, prefers the use of hugs to achieve a similar (yet safer and more predictable) "high" when viewing his psychedelic photos.