Thoughts on Adrenaline

Psychedelic Road Trip

You're driving along a coastal highway. An eighteen wheeler slams into you, pushing you into the guardrail just inches from an ocean cliff.

You are alone in the woods. A bear appears out of nowhere and belches a hungry growl just inches from your face.

You are caught in a tornado. Your house is pulled off its foundation and thrust into a colorful fantasy land, crushing a local witch.

Adrenaline pumps into your veins and yells, 

"Lift the house off of that witch!"

Witch legs are these?

Logic would tell you that lifting a house is impossible for a single human being with regular-human strength, but your ears are deaf to logic! You lift the house off the witch! You punch the bear in the face! You jump out the sunroof just before your car plummets to its watery grave.

Globule

Adrenaline 

(AKA Epinephrine)

Nature has a way of giving terrifying situations a run for their money, and it's a definite performance enhancer. Even professional athletes are finding new ways to harness this phenomenon for their own gains. Just before a match, star athletes typically watch a scary film in the locker room. They watch The Exorcist then they go out and win big! Now you know why there are movie screens in all locker rooms! Does your local gym have one? If not, you can write a letter to your local congressman, congresswoman or congressperson. Here's how!

Real

P.S. Punching a bear's face might hurt your hand after the adrenaline rush has worn off. I'm icing my hand right now to reduce swelling.

That is all.

Next time I'll tell you about the time I went waterskiing with Botticelli's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece.

I also might decide to show you how to put snakes under your bed sheets to create the "snakes under the bed sheets" look that is so popular these days.

Mozart vs. Hunter

Wolfgangus?

September 30th, 1791 – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (AKA Johannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart, AKA Moatsy, AKA Golfwangus, AKA Wuss in Boots) conducted the first performance of The Magic Flute at Freihaus-Theater auf der Wieden in Vienna, Austria. This would be the last opera by Mozart to make its debut, as he died about two months later.

He was only 35 years old! (That's my age!)

Mozart was a child prodigy, born in the 50s. The 1750s. According to a popular online encyclopedia of knowledge (albeit a publicly editable one, and therefore dubious and subject to scrutiny), Mozart "composed over 600 works, many acknowledged as pinnacles of symphonic, concertante, chamber, piano, operatic, and choral music." If you beat yourself up about not writing more "pinnacle" songs (as I do), Mozart is someone you might masochistically compare and contrast yourself with. I made a fancy chart to illustrate this:

Tranquil Mammoth Challenge: Mozart vs. Hunter

	Mozart	Hunter	point
Age 0	Born in "Salzburg"	Born in Long Beach, USA	Mozart
Age 3	Learns to play the harpsichord	Learns to play with toys	Mozart
Age 5	Begins to compose	Enters kindergarten	Mozart
Age 6	Visits Paris and London	Performs publicly for the first time (Louie Louie on piano for 1st grade class during recess)	Hunter
Age 8	Composes first symphony	Learns to play clarinet (actually age 9)	Mozart
Age 12	Premieres first opera in Vienna, Bastien und Bastienne	Forms first band, Taurus	Mozart
Age 14	Receives the Order of the Golden Spur from Pope Clement. (Order of the Golden Girls would have been cooler)	Forms second band, Little Seizures	Hunter (Who cares about a Golden Spur?!)
Age 21	Toured with his mother hoping to find a court position	Joined AFI and toured the USA, Canada, Japan, Europe and the UK for the first time (not with his mother)	Hunter
Age 20s	Composes some of his finest works that would continue to influence Western music for centuries	Wrote 24 Hour Party Zone and many other less influential songs	Mozart
Age 29	Meets Haydn who praises him as "the greatest living composer"	Meets Paul McCartney and challenges him to a "bass off"	tie
Age 35	Dies on December 5th in Vienna and is buried in an unmarked grave	Still alive in Los Angeles (as of this moment)	Hunter
Total	7	5	Winner: Mozart

So as you can see, Mozart wins. That jerk Mozart always wins! I'll catch up to him someday!

Mozart always wins!

As a modern man in a modern world, I have a few advantages over Mozart:

1. I'm still alive. Mozart can't say that!

2. I can play drums. Mozart probably never learned to "pound the skins"!

3. Modern medicine. Mozart could have used it!

4. Google.com Mozart would've had to use this.

5. Mozart was probably a total wuss. He is one of the most revered composers of the Classical era, but I doubt he could hold his own in a no-holds-barred street fight. Although I've never been in an actual street fight, I've seen way more movies about fighting than Mozart ever has. I bet I could use the crane move from the end of Karate Kid on him and he wouldn't know what hit him...he's THAT FAR behind the times!

Alex "Neon Shark" Masi

Next time I'm going to compare Mozart's life to that of Alex Masi (pictured to the right). I don't want to spoil it for you, but Mr. Masi has a few tricks up his leather sleeve. He has a trick on his chest as well.

And either the time after that or three times from now, I'm going to compare my life to Strawberry Shortcake's life and share a recipe for vegan strawberry shortcake that will make you want to vomit in ecstasy.

That's all for now.

Press Release: Steve Jobs Steps Down

PRESS RELEASE: Letter from Steve Jobs

August 24, 2011–To the Apple Board of Directors and the Apple Community:

I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come.

I hereby resign as CEO of Apple. I would like to serve, if the Board sees fit, as Chairman of the Board, director and Apple employee.

As far as my successor goes, I strongly recommend that we execute our succession plan and name Mr. T as CEO of Apple.

I believe Apple’s brightest and most innovative days are ahead of it. And I look forward to watching and contributing to its success in a new role.

I have made some of the best friends of my life at Apple, and I thank you all for the many years of being able to work alongside you.

Poison Oak? No. Questions answered with videos instead!

Hunter Revenge - Little Baby - Yo Gabba Gabba

Here's Hunter Revenge performing the song "Little Baby" from this week's episode of Yo Gabba Gabba. Isn't this the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life? I can't say enough great things about the folks at Gabba, or about babies in general. This was a really fun opportunity and I will jump at the chance to do more things like this in the future. In fact, I'm going to go practice jumping at the gym right now so I'm ready when I get the call.

P.S. Thanks to AFI News HQ for putting this up on youtube.

Bow Hunter

People love to tell me that Hunter is an ironic name for a vegan. You think I didn't realize this already? I've been vegan since 2000 and vegetarian since 1992. I've had plenty of time to think about all the Easter egg hunts I've missed out on. My name actually isn't ironic when you consider all the international treasure hunts I've participated in over the years. Hunter is no more an ironic name for a vegan than Dick Butkus is for one of the greatest linebackers of all time.

Abraham Drinkin' Trilogy

I just thought I'd post the entire Abraham Drinkin' Trilogy before I continue posting other videos. I don't apologize if you've seen this before. Your life isn't so short that spending an additional 30 seconds watching a humorous video is going to change things for the worse. However, if you die in the next 30 seconds, then I do apologize...although I can't think of a better way to go.







Take a minute and subscribe to my youtube channel if you haven't already. It's well worth the effort.

Abraham Drinkin': An Intro to Flash

Here's my first attempt at Flash animation. This also marks my first attempt at re-imagining historical figures and the events that should have shaped history but didn't, probably because they didn't actually happen (or at least nobody knew they happened until now). I hope this doesn't land me in prison, but if it does, I'm going to get really buff.

TranquilMammoth.com has a new banner!?

YES!
I thought I'd change the banner for the O-Ten.
What do you think? Tundra? Tar Pit?
Let me know with a click below!

Also, I found this woman walking into a time warp on google street view.


GOOGLED!

P.S. I have an official Tranquil Mammoth facebook page. Become a fan, "like it", or just ignore it with hatred in your heart.

New York City! Opera! Vocal Outtakes!

Guess what! If I get this job, I will be moving to New York City!! That's right, the Big Apple! Home of the Yankees, the Mets and the New Yorker! "How did this happen??" you ask? Well, let me tell you. While browsing some of the websites I regularly peruse, I came across this employment opportunity. These are the highlights, for those of you who hate clicking on links:

METROPOLITAN OPERA
Announces the following vacancies:
CHORISTERS:
BASS or BARITONE
SOPRANO (No Mezzo-Sopranos)
Resume deadline Midnight [EST] on March 30th, 2010.
Auditions to begin April 1st, 2010 until positions are filled
HIGHLY QUALIFIED APPLICANTS ONLY

What luck! I'm the person they're looking for! I have the vocal range of a bass but sing more comfortably in a baritonal tessitura. Some would call me a bass-baritone. As a bass-baritone, the operatic roles I am suited for include Méphistophélès from Faust by Charles Gounod, Don Giovanni from Don Giovanni by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Figaro from The Marriage of Figaro, also by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
I think the Metropolitan Opera will find this video to be an adequate audition. If they need me to drop in on April 1st to seal the deal, I can certainly repeat this performance. Although I generally reserve that day for more foolish behavior, I suppose I can get serious for a brief demonstration of my vocal prowess. I hope the job pays well. I hear those lofts in Manhattan can get pretty pricey!



Back up plan: cast member on Saturday Night Live

Rabbit Plays Drums

My good friend Ted and I shot this video last May and I only just got around to editing it. I guess that's what happens when you don't have enough free time on your hands. Editing video takes a lot longer than one might assume, and time is never free. After I successfully edit a hilarious (or just bizarre) video such as the one below, people often accuse me of having too much free time or being bored to the point of creativity. I assure you that neither are true. I'm never bored, and I can never find enough time to complete all of the projects I undertake. Having said that, I'm sure you'll appreciate the following video even more.



More videos will be coming soon! Subscribe now! Follow! ----->

Eye On Music - Guest: Hunter Burgan

A year ago I was a guest on the classic music interview show, Eye On Music. I was pretty excited because as you probably know, Richard Bitterfeld has interviewed so many great musicians over the years. Everyone from Robert Smith to King Crimson to John Lennon to Mike Edwards has been a guest on the show. I've always held Richard Bitterfeld in the highest regard and considered his music knowledge to be comprehensive. That is, until I was a guest on his show. I guess when you've been doing interviews as long as he has, you're bound to have a few "off" days.



Y'all know I got mad skillz when it comes to def tambo beatz.

In The Studio With AFI - Tambourine

Dear boys, girls, cats, and dogs,*
I now present you with yet another "Behind the Scenes" video from the recording sessions for AFI's Crash Love. If you've already seen this video, that simply proves you know how to work a computer. If you're a cat or a dog, then you have obviously overcome quite a few obstacles to reach this skill level. Good job! If you are watching this video for the first time and like what you hear, wow, you must be deaf. Actually, I mean def. Y'all know I got mad skillz when it comes to def tambo beatz.



Love and Rockets,
Hunter

P.S. If anyone wants me to play tambourine on their record, send an email to badasstambourine@gmail.com (Serious requests only, please)

*I assume that the majority of my readers are either boys, girls, cats, dogs, or some combination thereof.

In The Studio With AFI - Vocal Harmonies

Dear readers,
Odds are, if you're an internet savvy lad or lass, you've already found this gem on the world wide web. If not, then here you go. You're welcome. This is one of a few "Behind The Scenes" videos the record label shot while we (AFI) were recording our most recent record, Crash Love. If you would like to purchase this record, please do. Here are a couple of lynx. Over the next week or so I'll post a few other videos from in the studio. Hopefully this will excuse me from blogger's detention.



Yours sincerely,
Hunter

P.S. I really like what you've done with your hair.

Toronto Nights: A Casual Ramble Blog

Some bloggers blog every single day. I am not one of those bloggers. Would you believe I don't even know how to type? What do other bloggers blog about? Real things? They just ramble on in a casual tone about their day? That's so boring...but I'm willing to try anything for a quick buck! Here's a "casual ramble blog" for you:

It's raining outside right now. It was nice all day, but now I can hear the rain hitting the window of the hotel. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I think this trip to Toronto has totally thrown my schedule off. Before I left LA, I was going to bed at a reasonable hour and waking up before 8am. Last night I slept from midnight to 3am and then from 6am until noon?! What a weird schedule! The only coffee I was able to find in a short period of time was Starbucks. It's odd—I never go to Starbucks when I'm at home or have a choice, but I flock to it when I'm out of the country. They must have a deep psychological hold on me. The coffee's never that great, and the baristas never know what they're doing, but it's consistently disappointing and that's what I count on. AFI had a four hour rehearsal today in some warehouse on a soundstage. We haven't really played a show in a while and our crew needed to run through everything, plus it was good for us to run over the songs again. I sang all my usual backgrounds and harmonies, and by the second time through the set, my throat was raw. I guess I'm out of practice. For the record, I'm over shouting. It really just hurts, and never sounds that great. My favorite vocals are the harmonies on Summer Shudder and the ooohs during the intro and re-intro on Missing Frame. Two of my favorite basses from the last tour cycle need neck/fret work and I am playing my old back up bass for the show tomorrow. I don't like it as much because it's a bit on the heavy side, but it still sounds great. Fender makes some great basses. I'm designing some new ones for after we start touring for real and I'm really excited about those. Nothing crazy...just cool colors. Tomorrow should be fun. It's been so long since we've played a show (KROQ's xmas show doesn't count because our set was so short) that even if it totally sucks, it will still be fun. I'm kinda hungry. I should have bought some chips or a clif bar when I had the chance. I think the rain stopped. I forgot to see if the show is indoors or outdoors. I suppose it doesn't matter. The stage is always covered. It's weird, I can't really remember that last time I was nervous before a show. I know I was nervous when we played Just Like Heaven during the soundcheck for the MTV Icon: The Cure show, but that's because we were playing TO The Cure. I was probably nervous in my earlier AFI days when I was the new guy. I had to learn 15 songs in a month and then play in front of thousands of people with one of my favorite bands. The catch was—these were thousands of Offspring fans, not AFI fans, so I was too busy trying to win them over to be nervous. Did we win over any of their fans? I'd like to think so. I still run into people all the time that tell me that their first AFI show was on that tour. This was back in May, 1997. I turned 21 in the middle of the tour. L7 was on that tour too. They called themselves our moms on stage. It was really an amazing experience to play such huge shows at that point in my life. There were many years of crappy shows and long van tours after that, so it was an unusual way to start a career with AFI...but I like to think that it has come full circle. In more recent years, we've headlined some of the venues from my first tour. Time is a funny thing.

I feel like this isn't boring enough, and I apologize. The casual tone is working for me, but my thoughtless rambling seems to drift toward interesting things from the past. Let me try to focus on more mundane things from the present.

My phone is always set to vibrate. It's been like that for years. It always surprises me when it gets turned off of vibrate by mistake and I actually hear it ring. About a year ago, I set the ringtone to "motorcycle" which sounds like vibrating. Problem solved. Tonight I watched the Wolverine movie. I didn't see it when it came out because everyone said it was so bad. Rottentomatoes.com gave it an 8 or something horrible like that. I think everyone, including myself, was expecting something truly awesome. I walked in tonight expecting something truly sucky. It wasn't totally horrible, and since my expectations were so low, I kinda liked it. The writing was awful though. The lighting and SFX were so weird in the New Orleans fight scene that it took me out of the element. I think they tried too hard to put a bunch of actors and characters into the movie and just lost sight of what makes a good action movie. The popcorn sucked. I need to stop eating it. I never enjoy it. At least I stopped drinking soda a few years back. If I had soda tonight I would certainly feel awful right now. I'm excited to see the guys from Rise Against tomorrow. They're close friends and are passing through while on tour with Rancid. Joe Principe shares my love for coffee and we never miss a chance to get lattes. I can't wait to see them play in a couple weeks in LA. It's awesome to see your friends' bands doing so well.

Come on...not boring enough!

I guess I should probably try to sleep. I don't have to be up early, but uninterrupted sleep is always the best, and those pesky hotel maids are always trying to break in and clean in the morning. I'm so glad I don't have to take time to wash and style my hair anymore. What a waste of time that was! If only I could have all that time back. I would have so much time on my hands! I could write a thousand blogs. It's raining again. Maybe it was always raining, but I just couldn't hear it. Okay, it's bed time for me. Blogger out.

Wow! That was boooooooring! I hope I never try that again! Casual rambling blogs might be fun to read, but they sure are boring to write! Until next time, Tranq out.

P.S. Which of the following should I do next? Another Psychedelic Photo blog? Horse Blog Vol. 2? A semi-irregular, Tranquil Mammoth multi-lingual statistic blog? Maybe another Tranquil Mammoth Challenge of 2009 like Horses vs. Fugazi?? Leave me a comment and let me know which of those you'd like to see.

I eat your horse!

I know you probably think that I've completely neglected this blog, and in a way you are correct. The truth is, I've been writing a lot, but not on a computer. I've gone old school. Notebooks. I am working on something big, and I will tell you more about it later. For now, I hope you accept this picture as a peace offering. I know it's an old picture you may have seen before, but I still think it's funny.

P.S. I never blogged about the great loss we suffered. RIP Bea Arthur. Thank you for being a friend. Bea has been and will continue to be an important part of my blog.

Bummo KISS

This is my concept sketch for a new member of KISS. It's a KISSafied cross between Emmett Kelly's Weary Willie and Pete the pup that Joe McGrath named "Bummo." I was going to dress up exactly like this and approach Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley when they were recording next door. I was hoping that they would accept me as a new member/character of KISS. I was even willing to be flexible about what instrument Bummo would play. Washboard? Cowbell? Synthesizer? This was my best career plan yet...until Gene and Paul ate our Uncle Eddie's* Vegan Cookies without asking. I changed my mind after that. As a result, the world will never get to see Bummo in real life. ;(


*Not to be confused with this Uncle Eddie.

Hunter Burgan Q&A part 7 (of 7)

I now present you with the seventh and final Q&A* vlog in a series of seven.

LIGHTNING ROUND!

Now I can finally get back to regular blogs and videos! Let the normalcy commence!!

*Quak&r oAts

It's getting kinda muggy in here...

I know you want this mug! How can I be so sure? Well, I want this mug, and since we think alike, it's only logical that you would also want this mug.

"Coffee should be
black as love,
strong as hell,
& sweet as death."
-Hunter Burgan

So go get this mug! Mother's Day is coming up!

P.S. The next vlog is coming verrrrrrrrry soon.

Hunter Burgan Q&A part 6 (of 7)

Dear readers, I now present to you the sixth part of the seven part Q&A* vlog. This one is highly anticipated, although that's only due to the fact that I've been too busy to upload it. Since National Reggae Awareness Year is coming up (2010), I've been spending most of my time trying to dread my hair. I've also been taking helicopter lessons. Not helicopter flying lessons, helicopter lessons.

When you're done watching this, and all my other videos, read some of my older blog entries. Long before I was a vlogger, I used to actually write words!

*Queen and Aerosmith